I've Never Read a Parenting Book Like This One

Last night I finished reading Hints on Child Training by Henry Clay Trumbull.

Wow, what a book.

Trumbull penned this book in his sixties in the year 1890, having raised eight of his own children and in the midst of being a grandfather to many more.  (Cool fact: He's Elisabeth Elliot's great-grandfather.)  This book came highly recommended by the Clarkson family, founders of Whole Heart Ministries; Sally Clarkson has written many books on the call of motherhood that God has used to change my life and dynamics in our family.  So I picked it up at the MomHeart conference last spring.  But, I was skeptical.  Really?  Wouldn't a book from the late 19th century be just another treatise on spanking, speak-only-when-spoken-to, authoritative parenting?

The answer to my question, as I read through chapter after chapter was a resounding, "NO!" *

I would summarize Trumbull's book with one word: tenderness.  Paragraph after paragraph I was left desiring to love and value the little ones God has put in our care each and every day, from the moment they boisterously wake to the whispers we share at bedtime.

Chapters that made me pause and think ... and already make some changes:

• Honoring a Child's Individuality
• Training Children to Sabbath Observance
• The Value of Table Talk
• Never Punish a Child in Anger
• Dealing Tenderly with a Child's Fears
• Good-Night Words

The influence of Trumbull's words has little to do with specific methods.  Rather, he presents child training as a journey of respect and delight shared between parent and child.  He offers some suggestions for how to train children in specific areas, how to make the Sabbath or Christmas special, how to take advantage of the bedtime routine to bless your children, how to include children in dinner conversation, etc.  However, one does not finish reading thinking, Okay, I've now got to put Trumbull's plan into action to "get it right."  I was left thinking, Wow, our relationships in our family can be so much richer, our celebration of the Sabbath can be so much more special, our work to raise these kids is such a blessed calling and God will help us do it as we turn to Him and let ourselves really love our kids and take seriously their training.

My strong opinion: you can pitch all of your other parenting books, as long is this one is on your shelf (and it has been read!)  Pittsburgh peeps, my copy is now available for borrowing if you'd like to "try before you buy!"




* I should have known better than to think the Clarksons would recommend anything but the best.  My apologies, Clay and Sally!

Sally's Series on Parenting

Sally Clarkson has started a blog series on parenting.  She's only two articles in, so you can jump in and catch up quickly.  She's writing in response to many questions that she got about this post called "First Time Obedience, Really?"

There are a lot of formulas out there for how to best raise your kids, even good-hearted Christian formulas.  Sally is refreshing because she doesn't offer any formulas beyond looking to our Savior and discipling (read that right discipling) our kids, not just punishing the bad behavior out of them without training their hearts.  She talks in this post about how discipleship relationships take a lot of time;  this was her first response to the comments on the First Time Obedience post.

Now she's officially begun a series!  The first two posts:

• Parenting: It All Starts with Your View of God
• Adversary or Advocate? Reaching the Heart of Your Child (and a giveaway!)

Our home has been changed as God is working on my heart, giving me patience and thoughtfulness in the rearing of my children, rather than trying to keep surface peace without reaching the hearts of my kids.  I love them more, love being with them more, trust my Father with them (and me!) more.  Sally's words of grace, encouragement, and warning have played a huge roll in this process.

May Sally's words be a blessing to you as you train and instruct your children.  Keep up the good work as you shape the next generation in this great and marvelous call God's given you!

The Call: Motherhood

I was going to quote parts of this on Facebook or in a post, but then realized I just need to link you to this post by Sally Clarkson.

Please read the whole post HERE, but I'll give you this little teaser:

When I studied scripture and found that the stewardship of a child’s life, his training, education, character, emotional health, spiritual vigor, well-being, mind heart was entrusted to me, I realized that I needed to give my whole self to it. I had to work through selfishness, giving up my rights to my own time, my body, my sleep, and I had to learn what a servant heart was, as I had not been trained to be mature or to give up myself.

But, as I learned to embrace my call to intentional motherhood as God’s will and design for me, I began to fall more in love with my children. I had this grid in my mind through which I saw all of life. I love God. God has shown me what He wants of me. I need to give myself fully to this design.

I second her motion to get one (or more!) of her books.  Begin with Mission of Motherhood and Ministry of Motherhood.  You will never be the same.  And neither will your family.

I'm so thankful for how God "accidentally" brought me into contact with WholeHeart and MomHeart ministires.

Praise!  The!  Lord!

A Weekend Away!

This past weekend, I attended my first Mom Heart Conference in beautiful North Carolina.  (Northern people, could we drum up support to have a conference somewhere in PA or NY in the near future?!  Let me know if you're interested.)

Mom Heart is a ministry of the Clarkson family, calling women back to Biblical motherhood.  While in NC, I realized just how much their books and influence have been changing our home since encountering their ministry less than two years ago!  God has been at work in my heart, helping me die a little more to self on this earthly walk, serving Him more in the service of my family.  Believe me, there's a lot that still needs to be put to death; it's only just begun, but it's a GOOD path.  I'm so thankful for Sally's commitment to give us encouragement on the journey.

Sally sharing her heart in one of the sessions.

During the conference Sally talked about how "Your Mom Heart Matters" through these three talks: Your Marvelous Calling Matters, Your Optimistic Spirit Matters, Your Meaningful Passion Matters.  In addition to those, we heard from moms who have mom groups around the country, training our kids' characters, training opportunities provided by MomHeart ministries, etc.  They had a WONDERFUL book table.  The hotel was lovely.  Everything about the conference was touched with beauty and love: young ladies with baskets of chocolate to nibble as we registered, young men helping with luggage from the front desk, women praying together, friends laughing together.

We left encouraged.

We also left challenged.

Now, I'm sure the specifics of what each woman will endeavor to put into our out of practice are different.  I'd like to share a few things that stuck with me:

• Sally said several times, "Tell God, 'I'm your girl.'"  I love the simplicity and profundity of this statement.  In it is surrender to His call, whatever it is, and trust that He will guide and provide.  I want to be a woman and mother who easily and confidently says to her God, "I'm your girl!"

• Moms, you are not qualified, but you are called.  Kind of a zinger, but also a call to action!  If God's given us this work of raising children - on purpose chosen us for our kids - then we need to take it seriously and grow in the calling, not give up simply because we don't feel qualified.  And, um, if you are a real person, you likely feel unqualified about a million times a day!  How can we allow God to give us a vision for our homes and families, shine as a light in the dark corners of our domain, lead our kids into "thoroughly alive" lives?  I'm certain God will do amazing work as we respond in faith.

A little photo collage of Sally, Jenny and me.

I sure loved the conference, but being with a dear friend was the highlight for me!

• You determine what you become.  Yes, there are many things that we cannot control, but we can move toward the direction we want our life to go.  Do we want a home full of joy?  How can I start today to cultivate a joyful heart?  Do I want to lead a group to encourage other moms?  What steps can I take, in prayer and action, to make that happen?  Makes me think of that verse, draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)  I could tell stories about how I've seen this truth in my life!

• Book clubs are a great way for moms to get together, maybe discuss one of Sally's books.  The genius idea that was shared by several women was to get together and read the chapter aloud together and discuss things as someone has a question or really likes something the author said.  Then no one has to worry about not having read and anyone can jump in at any time!  What a great idea for busy moms.

If you ever get a chance to attend a conference, don't pass it up!  We need someone championing us along in this motherhood journey, a voice of grace and encouragement in the midst of the cacophony of condemnation that surrounds us.  Thank you, Sally, for being that voice.

Blessings to you today, mom friends!

It was "dahn Sahth," as they'd say in Pittsburgh,

so we saw MANY of these babies.

Jeanna Young, Princess Parables author

Saturday afternoon luncheon

TODAY: MomHeart Conference Early Registration Deadline

If you want to join me (and many other women) in North Carolina for the MomHeart conference with Sally Clarkson March 4-5, click here to register.  It's $20 off the registration fee through today!  $10 off before February 18!

I've never been, but have heard wonderful things about these conferences.  Here's more info:

I'm still looking for at least one more person to share a room.  I'd love to take someone from Pittsburgh along!  Could it be you?!  (I already have a commitment from a friend in Boston; oh yeah!!!!)

My hope is that we can get Sally to come closer to Pittsburgh in the coming years or even teleconference to keep down costs.  Who knows what the future holds?

A Giveaway!

IT'S TIME TO PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS!

Next Tuesday, in honor of the end of NaBloPoMo, we will crown three winners in a Sally Clarkson book giveaway!

Apologies to any of you dad or childless readers out there; though, wait, I will let you submit your wife's or a friend's name - good Christmas or baby shower gift maybe?  These books are specifically written for moms.  (Being pregnant certainly counts, so submit your name if you want to!)

Here are the books to be mailed to your home if your name is chosen:


Ministry of Motherhood

The Mom Walk

Seasons of  Mother's Heart

this is for homeschooling moms

Here are the contest rules and regulations (ha!):

1. You must comment on the blog to have your name entered into the drawing.  I will submit your name separately for each book, so let me know which you're interested in, (one, two, or all three)
2. You may only win one book and only one entry per book per household.
3. You'll have to email me your address, or some address, to receive your prize.  Arrangements will be made privately, not here on the blog.
4. I will mail anywhere in the world!
5. Get a friend to enter and I'll give you an extra entry on the book of your choice!
6. The contest organizer reserves the right to do whatever she wants; these rules are subject to change at any time.  (I'm a dork.)

MomHeart Ministries

At the end of the summer 2009, I became acquainted with WholeHeart ministries through a homeschooling book.  This connected me to the ministry of MomHeart, lead by Sally Clarkson.  I have been so encouraged by her books for moms to think about motherhood as a calling.  It's revolutionized my perspective on what I do day in and day out.  I'm so thankful for her faithfulness in pursuing this ministry to mothers.

So here's my advertisement:  SALLY DOES CONFERENCES!

This year the topic is:  My Mom Heart Matters!

Your mom heart so does matter.  God's given you the high calling of nurturing souls for eternity and He will provide for your every need along the way!

Here's a list of the dates and the locations:

January 21-22: Colorado Springs, CO, MH Conference, COS Marriott 

February 4-5: Irvine, CA, MH Conference, Mariners Church

February 18-19: Irving/DFW, TX, MH Conference, LC Marriott

March 4-5: Raleigh-Durham, NC, MH Conference, Hilton RDU

I live in Pittsburgh, and none of these are close.  But I will be in North Carolina, Lord willing!  My prayer is this, for God to provide three other women who will join me and share a hotel room (making it about $25 per person for the room.)  We could fly down together, or road trip together to cut down on costs even more. 

Basic details for the North Carolina conference, if you want to join me:

• Registration is only $79 through Dec. 31  (GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT IDEA!)
• Conference runs from 1pm Friday - 4:30pm Saturday
• Click the button on the right for more details

Sally speaks to moms of all ages, in all stages of life, from all different backgrounds, and with kids from infant to grown.  Her message is so versatile because she points us to Jesus' model of discipleship with our kids.  When I attended a training she hosted in Colorado this summer, I was delighted to meet single moms, homeschooling moms, working moms, moms with many children, moms with few children, etc.  Her words of grace-filled wisdom will touch your heart in one way or another.  Don't miss attending a conference!

However, if a conference is out of the question for distance, finances, or other reasons, please check out her books; perhaps you can find them at your local library!  And I may just wrap up NaBloPoMo with a little give-away of one or two of her books ...

STAY TUNED!

Appointments with God

My time with God is not just studying His word, it is every moment I am alive, opening the eyes of my heart, seeing Him, living in His grace, asking for His strength, resting in my limitations and His adequacy.

So whether tending to a sick child in the middle of the night with sleep deprivation, or nursing a sweet baby with a toddler pulling at your leg or praying and talking late into the night with a confused lonely teen, or just washing dishes and cooking one more time, it is an appointment with God, a time of worship, a place to celebrate His presence, because He is there, close to your heart and so longing for your companionship--you spending time with Him in the midst of it all!

-Sally Clarkson

You can read Sally's full post here.

I was so encouraged by this post this morning I wanted to pass along the final paragraphs. We do need to spend time with the Lord, getting to know Him through His word. But what a blessed reminder that He's also with us when we're not "doing quiet time."

He's present with us in our work and play, our waking and sleeping, our rising and sitting - Psalm 139. Praise God for His omnipresence!

Walk with Him today. In the words of Francis Shaeffer, He is the God who is there.

A Blog Referral for Moms

I met this lovely Canadian woman named Kristen at the conference I attended in Colorado. (My apologies for not posting more about said conference, I will get to it one of these days!)

This is her blog: http://www.myheartathome.com/

I've only read a few of her posts, but that's enough to know she is wise. And having had conversations with her, I know she is also very real and can make anyone feel comfortable. May you too be blessed by her meditations on Scripture and her thoughts about being a mom & wife.

The most recent post is about forgiving and forgetting. Anyone else have room for improvement in such things?!

A Heritage, a Reward

Thursday night I attended a mommies discipleship group led by a sweet woman at our new church. She is a mother of four grown children and is following the directive of scripture to teach young moms - see Titus 2. (I hope I can serve the church in this capacity someday; I'm so thankful for her example!)

We're just beginning a discussion of Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. One of the questions after the introduction asks the reader to look at Psalm 127. Verse 3 reads:

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,

children a reward from Him.

Ah yes, and our minds were filled with dreamy memories of our child's last tantrum and how, as

we sighed,

counted to three,

administered discipline,

we were all the while thanking God for His beautiful gift to us.

No wait. That's not how it went at all!

Sally's question: What does this verse imply about the ministry of motherhood?

Children are a blessing given to us from the Lord.

Yes, they fight, whine, and make demands. But that does not change that God's purposefully given them to us. And so we are called to minister to them. Thankfully our children also make us laugh, awe us with their curiosity, hug us, and readily say both 'I love you' and 'I forgive you.' The road is paved with difficulty and delight.

Sally's question is a good one. What is our attitude toward being moms? Do we think of it as a ministry the Lord has given us? Or are we just hoping we somehow make it to eighteen? Honestly, until encountering Sally's books, I'd never thought about mothering as a ministry.

It's been changing my life and attitude to consider that THIS is the ministry I'm called to prioritize right now.

Yes, there are many good things I could be pursuing, but if I'm neglecting the spiritual nurture of my own children, then all is for nothing. There will be a time in the future when the kids are grown and I will be able to put more time into ministry outside the home. But for now, I will embrace this immense calling and seek the Lord's guidance in it. It is His gift to me, surely He will sustain, lead, and grow me in the process.

Moms, be encouraged today! God knows you and your kids. He chose you for each other. May we throw off everything that hinders and embrace this calling with joy. To God be the glory.

Time to Process & Let's Pray!

Wow, what a weekend!

My mind is swimming with all the information acquired. The short story is that we were all spurred on in Christ (spiritually filled and up-lifted) and also taught brilliant strategies for improving our speaking and writing.

Sally and Me

I have a better understanding of Sally Clarkson's goals and desires for MomHeart ministries and look forward to attending one of her conferences in the future. (The one closest to Pittsburgh is in NC in the spring - who's coming with me?! There are others in TX and CA. Contact me for more info.)

Our time together could not have been more bathed in prayer or better designed. Seriously. I'm sure they'll make improvements for future Leadership Intensive Trainings, but I was in no way disappointed!

Given that the weekend was so full and so beneficial, I need time to process my thoughts before I do anymore blogging about it. Right now I'm thinking about starting a series of posts about what was taught, who spoke, what I learned, etc. What do you think? Please post any specific questions in the comments.

For now, I need to go spend some time with or Good God. I feel a renewed energy to pray: for my kids, for our marriage, for my neighbors, and for old and new friends. Will you join me?

With God all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26b

Let's see what our Great and Loving Father will do in, through, and around us. I'm pretty sure His plans are better than anything we can come up with, even on our best day!