I've Never Read a Parenting Book Like This One

Last night I finished reading Hints on Child Training by Henry Clay Trumbull.

Wow, what a book.

Trumbull penned this book in his sixties in the year 1890, having raised eight of his own children and in the midst of being a grandfather to many more.  (Cool fact: He's Elisabeth Elliot's great-grandfather.)  This book came highly recommended by the Clarkson family, founders of Whole Heart Ministries; Sally Clarkson has written many books on the call of motherhood that God has used to change my life and dynamics in our family.  So I picked it up at the MomHeart conference last spring.  But, I was skeptical.  Really?  Wouldn't a book from the late 19th century be just another treatise on spanking, speak-only-when-spoken-to, authoritative parenting?

The answer to my question, as I read through chapter after chapter was a resounding, "NO!" *

I would summarize Trumbull's book with one word: tenderness.  Paragraph after paragraph I was left desiring to love and value the little ones God has put in our care each and every day, from the moment they boisterously wake to the whispers we share at bedtime.

Chapters that made me pause and think ... and already make some changes:

• Honoring a Child's Individuality
• Training Children to Sabbath Observance
• The Value of Table Talk
• Never Punish a Child in Anger
• Dealing Tenderly with a Child's Fears
• Good-Night Words

The influence of Trumbull's words has little to do with specific methods.  Rather, he presents child training as a journey of respect and delight shared between parent and child.  He offers some suggestions for how to train children in specific areas, how to make the Sabbath or Christmas special, how to take advantage of the bedtime routine to bless your children, how to include children in dinner conversation, etc.  However, one does not finish reading thinking, Okay, I've now got to put Trumbull's plan into action to "get it right."  I was left thinking, Wow, our relationships in our family can be so much richer, our celebration of the Sabbath can be so much more special, our work to raise these kids is such a blessed calling and God will help us do it as we turn to Him and let ourselves really love our kids and take seriously their training.

My strong opinion: you can pitch all of your other parenting books, as long is this one is on your shelf (and it has been read!)  Pittsburgh peeps, my copy is now available for borrowing if you'd like to "try before you buy!"




* I should have known better than to think the Clarksons would recommend anything but the best.  My apologies, Clay and Sally!

Embrace the Calling

Our pastor spent a couple of weeks preaching on Ephesians 6:1-4, addressing parents and children and what God calls them to as members of His family.  My favorite thing that he said is that all of the directives for living given in the second half of Ephesians should be rooted in the gospel laid out in chapters one through three.  So, in Matt's words, "Parenting is a gospel activity.  All of life is a gospel activity."

My life has changed over the last two years since I encountered Sally Clarkson's moms ministry.  Her challenge to look at Jesus as He discipled his men and consider how we can disciple our children in the same way, has made an immense difference in my attitude and approach to being a mom.  Sally offered no formula or plan for "getting it right," rather she pointed me to God, to consider His ways, to ponder His commands to me as a mother, to think about not only teaching them obedience, but also serving them as Christ served His disciples, responding to the beautiful call He's placed on my life as I am raising our children.

Kristen, a friend up in Canada, wrote a post once called Parenting for Happiness?  She hits the nail on the head with the truth that being a parent will NOT always make you happy.  We share many delights in our family as a result of having children around, but if the point of having children is happiness, we will be sorely disappointed and maybe even hold it against our kids.

As I thought about that this morning in the shower (a great place for thinking, no?), I realized that what has happened in me, and can happen in you as a mom, is a heart change.  If I seek to find my fulfillment in my children or even my "parenting skills," I will be quite miserable - children frustrate us, disobey, make demands on our time, etc.  On the other hand, if I seed to find my fulfillment in the Lord and whatever He's calling me to at the minute, I will be filled with joy.  The task may not be glamorous, the children may not obey, the to-do list may be too long, the body may be tired and weary, but the heart can still be filled with joy and peace only God can provide. THAT makes a big difference in our lives and the life of our families.

Are you not grateful that God is long-suffering and merciful?  I look back to how harsh I was with Elizabeth as a tiny girl.  I praise God that it did not crush her spirit.  I praise God that He's rooting out the nasty little by little as the Spirit prompts me to repent, believe, and obey.  It's day-to-day, moment-by-moment death to self, friends.  Perhaps we should spend our days humming I Need Thee Every Hour.  God has rescued us, let's share the good news with our kids in the ways that we love and serve them today, through discipline, instruction, and living life together.  Embrace the calling and may God fill you up!

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 13:20-21

The Call: Motherhood

I was going to quote parts of this on Facebook or in a post, but then realized I just need to link you to this post by Sally Clarkson.

Please read the whole post HERE, but I'll give you this little teaser:

When I studied scripture and found that the stewardship of a child’s life, his training, education, character, emotional health, spiritual vigor, well-being, mind heart was entrusted to me, I realized that I needed to give my whole self to it. I had to work through selfishness, giving up my rights to my own time, my body, my sleep, and I had to learn what a servant heart was, as I had not been trained to be mature or to give up myself.

But, as I learned to embrace my call to intentional motherhood as God’s will and design for me, I began to fall more in love with my children. I had this grid in my mind through which I saw all of life. I love God. God has shown me what He wants of me. I need to give myself fully to this design.

I second her motion to get one (or more!) of her books.  Begin with Mission of Motherhood and Ministry of Motherhood.  You will never be the same.  And neither will your family.

I'm so thankful for how God "accidentally" brought me into contact with WholeHeart and MomHeart ministires.

Praise!  The!  Lord!

An Intense Intensive!

We're about to head for dinner on on first full day here in Colorado for the MomHeart Leadership Intensive Training. It is certainly intense: packed schedule, great speakers, good training, dreams to dream. I'm a little tired, but still so glad to be here. Tonight the majority of the group with be sharing a written piece (3-minutes each) with the group for critique. I dream of someday being a speaker who encourages her hearers with the Word of God. I wonder what role this weekend will play in the trajectory of my life.

One thing is for sure in talking with women here: when you walk with God you never know what life will be like, but you can be sure that the Good Shepherd is walking with you every step of the way.

If You Are A Mom

then you know you can use a little encouragement now and then.

This year I've been getting to know Sally and Clay Clarkson through their books and website. Their ministry is called Whole Heart, and while I came across their stuff in my homeschooling research, I've been impressed by their desire to minister to the whole family, particularly parents. Rather than put their efforts into designing homeschool curricula, they've labored to produce books, conferences, and events to spur moms (and dads) on in the faith, and in passing it on to their kids.

Whether you homeschool or not, you need to get your hands on Sally's books! She doesn't offer a 12-step plan, but she does encourage moms to take their job seriously, to seek God for guidance, to create a vision for their kids and family. I can recommend The Mission of Motherhood and The Ministry of Motherhood. And I look forward to reading Seasons of a Mother's Heart and others in the coming months. She's having a 15% off sale leading up to Mother's Day; now's the time to get these books!

A word of warning: you need to go into reading these books extending yourself a lot of grace. Sally has thought a lot about being a mom, raising her family, and scriptures that apply. And her kids were not all toddlers at the time of writing. You may find some of her stories intimidating, thinking, "I could never be like her! She seems to have it all figured out!" But the point is not to become a mom like Sally; she doesn't write for that reason. The point is to be encouraged to think about family, faith, child-rearing, and, above all, seek the Lord in your labors as a mom (or anything you do, really!)

This mom thing can wear you down! But God's given you the task of raising your kids, and you're just the mom they need. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 As I said in yesterday's post, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! And take advantage of Sally's insights if you need a little hope that it's all worth it or some ideas on how to think Biblically about mommy-ing beyond the day-to-day routine.