A Valentines Challenge for You, Married Person!

February is upon us.  Around here that means we're starting to think about our youngest's birthday, which happens to fall on Valentine's day.  Since she was born, Valentines day - a day I could focus on my husband and give him some much-deserved attention - is often overshadowed by celebrating her wonderful little life.  While folding laundry this week, an idea came to mind that could remedy this problem: lead up to Valentines day by sharing with him one thing I love about him each day during the first two weeks of the month.

Coming up with ways to keep the romance alive when you've been married for a while can be challenging, can't it?  Kids distract, work overwhelms, exhaustion overtakes, and our spouse does that little thing that really annoys us, and why don't they just stop it!  ;)  We must be creative and proactive to keep our till-death-do-us-partner in life at the forefront.  Taking him or her for granted is far to easy, which is why I share this idea with you.

The Challenge, should you accept it:

1. Spend some time thinking about your spouse: What attracted you to them?  What are some of your favorite memories together?  What do you love about them: looks, personality, behaviors, style, gifts, etc.?
2. Make a list of fourteen things, (twenty-eight if you want to do the whole month), so you are ready to go.
3. Starting on February 1, write them a note or whisper in their ear each day one thing that you love about them.
4. Be prepared with a couple of reasons why you love that attribute of who they are - my husband always asks when I compliment him!
5. Be prepared to find that you really do quite like that person who keeps you awake with their snoring at night!

There you are, then.  Whatever you do to celebrate the marriage God has given you, I pray He would strengthen you to know how high, long, wide, and deep His love is for you in Christ.  And may that love fill you to overflowing into the lives of others in your homes, workplaces, towns, and cities.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 3:18

A Stronger Marriage Starts with You

Did any of you make a resolution to strengthen your marriage in 2016?  If so, I have a couple of tips I learned years ago that have helped me to make our marriage more healthy.  The truth is you can do nothing to change your spouse.  The only one you have control of in any relationship is yourself.  Perhaps 2016 can be the year of no more finger pointing in your marriage!  Well, we are human, so how about a lot less finger pointing and significantly more uplifting.

Two practices have helped me immensely and fertilized the soil of our marriage to help good fruit grow.  Grateful to those who let me in on these bits of wisdom - though I don't remember who they are - I pass them on to you.  I write from the perspective of the wife, but husbands may benefit from applying these as well.  Of course, I can't be sure, because I've never been a husband!

#1 Do not speak ill of your husband to others.  You know those Scripture verses about only speaking that which will build up others?  Those apply to relationships with all people, including your husband.  Take this to heart.  It is a gift to your husband to know he never has to worry about you mocking or speaking ill of him in public or even in a private conversation with a close friend. 

Give yourself a check-up: Are you quick to jump into bemoaning with other wives at the way your husband is such a failure?  Or do you readily and regularly find ways to praise him, at home and when you are out?

#2 Be the kind of person you would like to come home to.  You probably have a laundry list of things you'd like your husband to do and ways that he is not meeting your expectations.  But when you greet your husband at the end of a work day or first thing in the morning, throw in a little of Jesus instruction, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  This word applies not only outside our home, but in them, too, with our closest neighbors, family.

Give yourself a check-up: Are you the kind of person you would want to come home to?  Do you regularly nag, belittle, and criticize?  Or do you habitually embrace, encourage, and build up?

We cannot control or change our spouse behavior, but the Lord calls us to live righteously regardless of how others treat us (or our perception of how poorly we're being treated).  Looking to our Savior reminds us that He calls us to nothing more that what He gave, did, and does for us.  He will also help and strengthen us to choose our spouse above our self.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!  Philippians 2:5-8

Now, you won't need to die on a cross, but sometimes not getting our way can sure feel like dying!  And let me add one more thing: God sees.  He sees you striving toward righteousness and the Bible says He will greet you at the gates of heaven with, Well done good and faithful servant!  If you keep reading there in Philippians 2, you'll learn about God's reward to Christ for taking sin upon His shoulders and obeying to the end.  God sees and He is near.  Don't you forget it!

Give these two simple marriage-strengthening practices a go.  May 2016 be a year of less finger pointing and more "love one another".  I am confident it will make a difference in your marriage, in your heart, and in your relationship with the Lord in this new year!

Open for 2015 {Week 30}

Wow, August has done something to my blogging mojo!  My rhythm has been interrupted and I am having trouble getting back into it.  Nevertheless, here I am with very little to say for last week, except that it was a real treat.  My husband and I got to spend three days traipsing around Pittsburgh, just the two of us!*  Pretending we were young and carefree, we walked almost everywhere, ate loads of delicious food, and played around town like tourists.  So much fun!

What really made the time special, was thinking about our history.  On Monday we celebrated thirteen years of marriage.  Each of those years has its share of delightful memories and dreadful moments.  Married folks, can I get an 'Amen' on that?  How many times have we laughed in those years?  Too many to count.  How many times have we needed to forgive or be forgiven in those years?  Way too many to count!

Marriages are built day by day on the foundation of the commitment, the vow that was spoken before witnesses.  Man, it takes a lot of work!  Life never slows down.  We can't put our feet up for too long before there's another decision to make together or another obstacle to face hand-in-hand.  There are days we want to quit, because we're human.  But there are days we're so in love and happy, because while marriage takes work, it is not always work.

The glue that really holds this operation together, however, sustaining and providing all we need so we can keep on loving one another, is "the third strand."

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

When it comes right down to it, neither Colin nor I, nor the two of us together, can take credit for these thirteen years.  God alone has kept our strands tightly woven together and we trust Him to do the same for however many more years, decisions, fun, and obstacles we have ahead of us.

What does any of this have to do with being OPEN?  I hadn't really thought about it in those terms last week, but I guess despite all that is behind us, I must be OPEN to pressing on in the commitment and to trusting the Lord to see us through whatever will come our way.  One of my friends, (Hi, Kristen!), said celebrating Anniversaries is funny because while it seems like you have arrived at something worth celebrating, you still have to keep doing the same thing "till death does you part."  An Anniversary is not an end, simply a milestone.  Anniversaries offer an opportunity to awe and wonder at what the Lord has done in sustaining a marriage through all of the mess and beauty!  What a time for thanks giving.

Time to take action:  Married folks, I don't know where you find yourself on the marriage-feelings spectrum today.   You may be in one of those blissful phases or you may be wondering if there is a way out.  No matter where you are, stop.  LOOK TO THE LORD and ask Him to OPEN your eyes to what He has done and what He is doing.  SEEK HIS FACE, asking Him to show you where you need to repent and to fill you with faith to believe He has not abandoned you and your spouse.  GIVE HIM THANKS even if it is hard.  He has not let you go; He will not let you go.

Before this day is through, do something just for your husband or wife, any large or small expression of love that God brings to mind!

*A shout out of thanks to my in-laws who took the kids for us for those days so we could pretend we were in our twenties again!

Open for 2015 {Week 26}

Waking up Saturday morning with nothing on my schedule was thrilling; I could do with the day whatever I wanted.  I made plans.  The big kids had a morning rehearsal, so Katherine and I could stay home and get to long-neglected yard work, then in the afternoon we could all reward ourselves for our hard work with a trip to the pool!  It has been raining so much this summer we have visited the pool only about half a dozen times.  Saturday was finally pool weather.  Hurray!

Some time in the midst of my work, my husband and I had a conversation about what would happen for the rest of the day.  I have to confess that going into this conversation, I was already annoyed that he had not offered to help with the yard.  While I had been making plans, he had, too.  There was a near-by dam and park he had been wanting to visit and he thought the day was perfect for it.

I cringed.

I  had a plan and didn't he appreciate that we paid for the pool pass and we finally had a day we could use it?  A good day, even, mostly sunny!

But I am also aware of the Scriptures.  Look not only to your own interests, Heather, but to the interests of others.  Love is not self-seeking.   I knew the right thing to do was to let go of my plan and embrace my husband's.  But boy, I sure hate doing the right thing when it means I don't get my way!

Being OPEN last weekend, meant more than simply changing plans, however.  Being OPEN meant joyfully changing plans.  Would I go to the park with an attitude that communicated to my husband that I thought his plan was dumb and I was only going along with it because I'm a model martyr?  Or would I get excited to see a new place together and go joyfully, because, after all, I mainly wanted to have some family time and that desire was being met?  I had a conversation with a friend not two days before about the difference between these responses, bitterly enduring a change in plans versus embracing the change and anticipating what the Lord has in store for you instead.  God was getting me ready through her words!  Thanks, Nancy.

I started writing this post on Tuesday, but never got a chance to finish it for two reasons: 1. I ran out of time and 2. I started getting re-upset about not getting my way on Saturday!  We had a great time visiting a new place, even tried a new restaurant for dinner.  But thinking about how I had to die a little to self made me start to get hot around the collar again.  The Bible talks about putting sin to death; simply trying to disable it isn't enough.  But sin dies hard, doesn't it?  Sin does not go down without a fight!

This war against self that continues to rage this side of heaven is wearying.  The only way we can press on is by remembering passages like Philippians 2:

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross! 

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

Jesus!  Yes!  He is our example, but more, He is our Savior and our Lord.   He shows us the extent and extreme to which we are called to put others before ourselves, but more, He rescues us from the very sin that entangles us and transforms us from the inside out to be able to follow His example.  Self-lovers can become God- and others-lovers; the Good News for ordinary days.

As we explored Tunnelview Historic Site on Saturday, we strolled under an old train trestle that is dwarfed by a new, modern one, (pictured above).  I couldn't help but think, out with the old, in with the new!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:

The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Time to take action:  

Do you find dying to self as difficult as I do?  Meditate on the verses above, on the Lord and His example, sacrifice, provision, and position.  And rejoice that if you are in Christ, you are a new creation!  The old is not you and you can let go of it.  Dying to self is not about martyrdom, but rather about worship, new life, and transformation.  Take heart, friend, the Way, the Truth, and the Life is on your side!

Home: Not Just a Training Ground for Your Children

Every time I am stretched out on the couch reading an inspiring book on motherhood, family, or home making, I underline many sentences, imagine how bright the light of Christ could shine in and from our home, and I get excited!

Then I put the book down.

Within minutes someone needs me and I don't want to be needed, again.  Someone starts whining about a terrible injustice, like she's sitting in my space on the couch, and I don't want to train gently, again.  Or I suddenly remember a to-do that has to be done to-day, and I sigh and groan, again.

Often the connection between ideals and reality is fishing-line thin and about-to-snap taut.  My desires for order, peace, joy, and life in our home are often thwarted by the very people I am trying. so. hard. to. serve. with. love. She says, through clinched teeth!

Two weekends ago, while I was sitting at the Broadmoor taking in this view

and processing what the Lord was teaching me at the Mom Heart Intensive, He had something to say to me.

Your home is not only a training ground for your children,

it's your training camp, too!

What does that mean?  Let me flesh it out for us.

As I shared in this post, the toughest thing about being a mom is me, how selfish I am.  But God sees fit in His plan to place people in families where a grown-up sinner is in charge of training up small sinners!  The mistake I make is thinking that I have to have it all together to train up these little hooligans ones, burdening myself with guilt every time I fail to "get it right" and burdening them with guilt for the same.  We're all - the kids, my husband, and me - in training for righteousness and none of us will ever "arrive."  So rather than guilt, we need showers of grace.

The beauty of Christ and His cross will be magnified in our homes, as we come alongside our children to train them, while daily acknowledging before them our need for a Savior, too.  And also daily reminding them of the sufficiency of our Savior to forgive all our sin and lead us in the way everlasting!

Our weekend in Colorado included many wise words about our call as wives and mothers.  But primarily, Sally reminded of our first and foremost call to be Christ's disciples because He has made us members of a new Kingdom!  A disciple listens to her Teacher and responds, watches His ways and imitates, knows the Master's voice and follows.  Then she can invite others along like, say, her children, to learn from and love the Lord.

The point of reading books that encourage us to pursue righteousness in our homes and to instruct and train our children is not to arrive, but to be transformed and be instruments of transformation.  We are learning right along with our kids how to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  So be inspired by those books!  Try new things that will orient all of your hearts toward Christ!  Give thanks for the ways rearing your kids is stretching and growing you to look more like Him!  And worship the Lord with gladness that the Gospel has the power to make all things new!

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

*****This summer, Sally is working her way through their book, The 24 Family Ways in a weekly series on her blog, click here.  I bought it years ago, but we completed the devotionals for the first time this school year and it was very helpful.  If you are looking for practical, Biblical guidance for training your children, jump in on reading these posts this summer.  As an aside: I would recommend going through the book for children first grade and up. *****

Interrupted by Grace 2015: Kindness and Compassion

I'm blogging daily in April. Learn more about the series here.

This week my poor husband has been battling a never-ending headache.  With the end of the semester quickly approaching, this is, well, a real headache!  He needs to be able to be alert and focused, but he is incapable of either.  And you know what has surprised me?  I feel compassion for him and wish I could fix it!

Does that surprise you?

It should, because I think a wife loving her husband when he is having a difficult time should be a given.  But it isn't always for me.  I tend to be too much of a score-keeper.  There have been many times that Colin gets sick and rather than think, Poor guy, I will go the extra mile to help him, I think, How convenient for him that he gets to lie in bed while I have to keep working, dealing with these kids, and keeping the house running.  Humph.  I don't even get to lie in bed when I am sick.

Over Lent, you might remember that I shared that I was going to go through the Love Dare to give up thinking about myself so much.  I have been sporadically praying that I would be less selfish in my life and in my marriage.  So this week, I have been interrupted by grace observing myself not getting bitter, proud, or mean in response to Colin's down week.  I genuinely feel bad that he's not able to do what he wants and that he cannot shake this silly headache.  Holy cow, could God be changing me?!  Could it be that when we cry out, God comes to our aid and helps us navel gaze a little less and provides everything we need for life and godliness through His Spirit?  Get outta town!

The most mind-blowing moment of the week came last evening.  Because of a rescheduled Cub Scout meeting, both the big kids had Scout meetings.  At some point Colin had committed to the Scout duties: dropping Elizabeth off at her meeting, attending Brian's meeting with him, and picking Elizabeth up on their way home.  I was looking forward to the couple of hours of quiet at home to catch up on some tasks while Katherine slept and the others were out.  Unfortunately, Colin had to come home early from work because he just couldn't focus on anything and wanted to try to rest the headache away.  It didn't work.  So he asked if I could take the kids to their meetings.

And just like that I said, "Yeah, I'll do that," without any annoyance or of-course-I-have-to-do-it sigh!

I couldn't believe myself!  I was interrupted by grace that God had me in a kind and compassionate state.  I knew it could only have been Him preparing my heart and helping me to be gracious.  It gave me such hope!  I know that there will be many self-loving moments ahead of me in our marriage, my parenting, friendships, etc.  But what a gift from God to feel a moment of answered prayer and forward progress:  Heather, there is hope.  Do not despair.  I am at work in your life and heart.

Thank you, Lord.

My friend, don't you despair either!

The Lord is at work in your heart and life.

Ask and you will receive.

Let's trust Him more today that we did yesterday, shall we?

By the way, I had so much fun at Brian's Cub Scout meeting!  The boys each shared about collections they have - adorable.  And we planted seeds.

***Hey, if you missed yesterday's giveaway announcement, check out the end of this post!***

Interrupted by Grace 2015: Marriage Fun

I'm blogging daily in April. Learn more about the series here.

Most of life is routine and expected, as I'm sure you know very well.  Regardless of one's marital or family status, there are bills to pay, dishes and clothes to wash, work to do for employers or classes, people to love and care for in relationships, etc., etc.  It is a treat when life is interrupted, so to speak, with a little fun.  This weekend had a couple of highlights for me, both with my husband!

All dressed up for a "Night at the Races" a couple of months back.

Let me be the first, maybe, and certainly not the last, to tell you that life changes when you have kids.  You think when you get married that you learn a lot about how selfish you are.  Well, then you have a kid (or more) and you really learn what a selfish jerk you can be, and the Lord drives home what sacrificial love really means.  It's cool, because you also get to grow in your understanding of and appreciation for His love for you!  But it can be quite the journey, facing the facts and all.  Thankfully the Lord is gentle, His Spirit is always near, and He's not finished with us yet!  

Tiny kiddos are a lot of work and can quickly take away from marital intimacy, and I don't mean intimacy-intimacy, I mean simple things like having a good conversation without interruption!  Can I get an 'amen,' parents?!  It takes work to keep the marriage relationship close and vibrant as the family grows.

Besides kids, there is also the stuff I mentioned at the beginning, which I affectionately call LIFE!  Life can really get in the way of marriage enjoyment: at least one person has to work to bring in enough money to put food on the table and keep a roof over the family's head; then there's all the mess that's made by the family living under the roof; and, in addition, sometimes the roof leaks!  Myriad time-consumers exist to keep us from remembering, Hey, I married you and I like you, and spending quality time together.

This weekend I was interrupted by grace when Colin and I got TWO opportunities to have good, ol' fashioned fun together.  I do not take these for granted as much as I used to!  Saturday night my in-laws kept the kids for us and we enjoyed several hours out.  In the end I joked with Colin that it was a theme date; we played catch, then went to eat and watch the Pirates game at a local restaurant.  Good times!  Our second bit 'o fun was last night when we participated in our church's youth fundraiser talent show.  Both of us were involved in musicals and other musical pursuits throughout our youth, but we'd never done anything together.  After hearing the Frozen soundtrack, Colin and I had decided that some day we needed to sing Love is an Open Door together.  When I was at a youth meeting and they started talking about a talent show, I knew our moment had come!  Practicing over the last month has been a ridiculous amount of fun.  Performing yesterday was the icing on the cake!

Thinking about this weekend reminds me of how important fun is for a healthy marriage, and how quickly it can gets squeezed out with the demands of life or an unexpected really difficult time financially, medically, or relationally.  Our marriage is not always roses, but neither of us would trade the hard times we've walked through because they have contributed significantly to the strengthening of our faith and our marriage.

Are you married?  Has it been a while since you've gotten to have fun with your spouse?  Can you plan a time soon for just that?  Spend a little time reflecting on what ways the two of you have fun or have had fun together in the past.  Treat yourselves to some time together, just the two of you, not for business affairs!  (It doesn't have to be out or expensive, either!  Plan a date in and/or exchange childcare with some friends.)  May God bless you as you write some new good memories onto the pages of your story together.

Two are better than one,

    because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Open for 2015 {Week 8}

For those of you just joining in, on Tuesdays this year I am writing about being OPEN because that is the word I felt the Lord lay on my heart to focus on in 2015.  OPEN has so many meanings and I have so many ways in which I need to grow, change, and be stretched in OPENness.  Writing about the theme is a way I'm using to keep myself accountable to thinking about being OPEN this year.

This weekend I got really hot and bothered at my husband about some things.  I must confess that most of my anger stemmed from plain, old fashioned selfishness and jealousy.  I wanted something I was not getting and placed all the blame on him.

How can I be so cruel to such a good guy?

What you need to know about me is that I am terrible at communicating when I am upset.  What I want to do is lash out and get it all off my chest.  Because I know that wouldn't be good and I would say things I didn't really mean, I go the slam doors and grumble under my breath route.  Not much better, I know.

Usually, once I get calmed down I figure that I was mostly the problem and don't say anything.  I figure it's my pride or selfishness that's mostly to blame.  But some of my feelings are legitimate, even if my reactions are less than mature.

So this weekend, after having a very rocky Saturday and a much calmer Sunday, I decided I would talk with my husband about the situation.  It may sound really silly, but I needed to be OPEN to talking and following through even though it made me terribly uncomfortable.

My husband is a kind and gracious man.  He listened to me and mercifully did not bring up accusations he probably could have against me.  The Lord also enabled me to speak words that were true, but not harsh, communicating my feelings without making him feel bad.  (When I'm mad I really want to say things that make the other person feel bad.  True story.)

My dream is to be able to take a deep breath and talk when I am upset, to get it over and done with, without so much drama.  But, baby steps!  Being OPEN for me this week meant being courageous enough to speak, even if it meant some moments of discomfort.  Come to think of it, there is one thing I neglected to say to my husband last night, apologizing for clinging to my anger too long.  Ugh, that kind makes me squirm, too.  Have I mentioned lately how proud I am?

Time to take action:  What makes you uncomfortable or nervous, but that you feel like you need to do both to do what is right and to grow?  My example might seem super-duper silly to you, because you don't have any trouble communicating your needs and emotions.  But I reckon there are other areas where the Lord is nudging you to be strong and courageous, and He will be with you when you go there.  Will you join me in being OPEN and taking action?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 

James 1:19-22

The Love Dare

Many months ago I printed out something called The Love Dare.  If you have seen the movie Fireproof, you know what I am talking about.  In the movie a marriage is falling apart and one spouse takes action to restore the relationship, part of the process is the Love Dare, 40 days of doing things for your spouse and your marriage.  (It has been a long time since I watched the movie, so sorry I'm not being more specific; I'm bad with details, but that is the general idea.)

So, like I said, many months ago, I printed out The Love Dare, a forty-day schedule of things to do each day to love one's spouse better.  Since Lent is 40 days and it is all about giving up sin, one of my main sins being thinking about myself too much and about my husband not enough, it seemed like the perfect time to smooth out those tri-folded pages I have been keeping in my Bible and take the dare!

In book club we just finished a book called Severe Mercy, a very moving and beautiful true story about a couple, their love, God's love for them, sickness, death, and newness of life.  Early in their relationship they determined that nothing would come between them and destroy their love.  Divorce was becoming more common and they tried hard to determine what the cause was.  They concluded that the killer of love was creeping separateness. ... Taking love for granted, especially after marriage.  (p. 29)

They were on to something!

Of course the initial "inloveness" fades with time, because of physiological reasons that I don't know how to explain.  Once married, the honeymoon period does finally end, and life falls into routines.  Then maybe some children are added to the scene.  Work might pick up and there may be some moves to new places.  Activities take up time, too.  The details of the story of each marriage are different.  What is the same, however, is that all of these changes and distractions, responsibilities and cares can either draw us together or lead to "creeping separateness."

The Love Dare is an opportunity to fight the "creeping separateness" and defend your marriage against all that would keep it from growing.  Marital intimacy, next to a relationship with God, is the most deep and profound relationship we can know on this earth.  The evil one will do all he can do to keep your marriage from being great.  Mediocre marriages are his cup of tea.  The kingdom of God doesn't advance much from those.  But God-loving, kingdom-focused, strong marriages?  Yeah, he hates those!

So, the Love Dare.  If you would like to give it a go, to set yourself aside for the sake of your mate and your Lord, you can find it here.

 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  John 15:12-13

**Please let me know how I can pray for you and your marriage; I would count it a privilege.**

My friend, Sally, wrote this week about hedging in our marriages.  I encourage you to read her wise words by clicking here!

Open for 2015 {Week 3}

How are you today?  I think it would be so fun to sit down with you, dear reader, and catch up with you if I know you well already or get to know you if we are not well acquainted.  When I write I imagine I am talking these words, conversing with whomever will read.  I am thankful for words and messages to share with one another and the way God uses people in our lives to build us up with spoken or written truth.

This week I noticed the OPEN sign on the wall in my kitchen many times.  There she hangs to remind me to remain OPEN to the Lord and to whatever life brings.  I had planned many weeks in advance to have ladies over this past Saturday to start a book discussion of Own Your Life, by Sally Clarkson.  I was so excited to begin our journey through the book together.  After scheduling that on the evening of a day our oldest already had a swim meet, my sister-in-law invited us to my nephew's birthday party.  It would be held in the window between the swim meet and our book club kick-off and they live forty-five minutes away.  Of course, right?

We step out in faith and inevitably encounter some challenges!

In my stubbornly determined way, I refused to make any changes, we could just charge through the day and make it all happen.  Then, Thursday of last week, my husband, through circumstances beyond his control, learned he would not be available for our busy January 24.

Deep breath.

Then the questions:  Should I have his parents come and baby sit during the meet?  Should we skip the party in the middle?  Should I cancel our ladies gathering?

No.  The answer was no on all fronts.  We could have a great day together.  We would be tired by the end, but each event was a wonderful thing and the house would stay as orderly as it was because we wouldn't be home all day!  Perfect!!

The main reason I knew we should plow through was because I knew the Lord would give me strength and be gracious to us.  He called on me to start a book group and He would be faithful.  I was holding Him to it!

And He was.

• The younger two were great at the swim meet, in fact the littlest was unusually calm and delightful in the unstructured environment, only melting down a little toward the end because she was tired.  And the middlest found other waiting-around siblings to play with, in addition to having some electronic entertainment, and the hours flew by.  I was amazed, and thankful.
• Getting to hang out with extended family at the birthday party was delightful.  I am always glad to see those people who are part of who I am and who I love so much.
• And finally, to hear many women at our evening gathering share about how long they have been wanting to be part of a ladies Bible study!  Well, I was deeply humbled and blessed by God being with those women.

So, OPEN in the face of circumstances beyond our control.  I usually complain about these things or try to finagle my way out of them.  Really, I do; I am a whiny wimp.  But Sally's book and God's Word  remind me that I have a choice about how I respond to my circumstances ... and I might actually get to see God do some things if stop thinking about myself all the time!

Time to take action:  Are  you in the midst of circumstances beyond your control that make you want to, say, kick, scream, cry, complain, curse, etc.?  Maybe you have a day coming up that you are dreading or are in the middle of an on-going trial.  How can you OPEN up to God?

• Ask the Lord to help you to taste and see that He is good right where you are.
• Confess to Him your sinful tendencies to fear, doubt, complain, or try to escape.
• Rejoice that God will be your stronghold and helper in the midst OF EVERYTHING.  He is always near.  In fact, try to spend more time rejoicing than you do asking and confessing!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:4-7

Do you have any testimony of God working in your life in the midst of trying circumstances?  I would love to hear your stories!  If only we could meet over a cup of coffee this morning.  I guess the comment section will have to do.

Till Thursday, walk in His way!

They Have No Idea: a Reflection on Marriage

Yesterday I had the privilege and joy of not only attending a wedding to witness the exchange of vows, but  of standing next to the Bride as her Matron of Honor as she and her Groom made vows to one another that none of us can keep.

The pastor talked about that.  He reminded us that without the Lord at work in our hearts, we can't get into the deepness of the marriage relationship.  It is in the middle of needing to live out real love (patience, kindness, forgiveness, not keeping a record of wrongs, etc.) that we grow as individuals and as a couple in marriage.  Those day-to-day hiccups that come with one sinner living with another sinner as husband and wife are what build up into a strong relationship, though not without work, prayer, and commitment.

The commitment comes with the covenant.  I love that the church talks about marriage as a covenant.  We make promises to one another and they are binding.  And the promises we make are not dependent on what the other person is doing, how we're feeling, or what circumstances we're in.  Husband and wife need to keep looking back to that day when a gorgeous bride and a handsome groom said "I promise" to one another in the presence of God and many witnesses: ... in plenty and want, sickness and health, as long as we both shall live.

Beautiful.

The day you get married, you have no idea how hard it's going to be.  You might know you're proud or stubborn.  A few years of marriage will reveal to you a depth of pride and stubbornness you never thought possible from such a nice person as yourself.  It's ugly.

The day you get married, you also have no idea how wonderful it's going to be.  You might know it will be fantastic to no longer have to say 'good night' after a date and go your separate ways.  A few years of marriage will reveal what a joy and blessing it is to slip into bed every night with your best friend and forever confidant.  It's good.

The ugly and the good are both part of the package.  Then there's trials that come that are beyond your control.  They test the strength of your bond and your faith in the Lord to sustain and provide.

As I sat at the end of the rehearsal on Friday evening, I received an email update from some friends who are missionaries with World Harvest Mission in Uganda.  At the moment they are home for a while, because when they came home in December for five months in the states before returning to Africa, they found out  (by the providence of God) that Travis has colon cancer.  Now, rather than being able to attend missions conferences and return to duty, they visit doctors and endure chemo treatments.  It is remarkable to see how their bond as husband and wife and their love for the Lord is sustaining them.  They don't pretend anything is easy, but they trust the Lord and are faithful to their commitment one another as much in sickness as they had been in health.

Weddings are so much fun.  I love them.  The time for celebration is right and good!!  We had a delightful party last night after the ceremony.  But with a decade of marriage under my belt, I know that the best is yet to come for my friends.  They have no idea.  And that's just the way it's supposed to be.  I'm so, so thrilled for them to know that the Lord will sustain them and enable them to uphold their vows and that each day, week, month, and year they have together as husband and wife will grow an intimacy that they've never known before, giving them a little peek into how Christ loves His church.  I'm so happy for my friends and look forward to watching the Lord unfold their story before them!

CONGRATULATIONS, NEIL AND CAROLYN!!

{Day 6} Interrupted by a Bridal Shower

I dunno about you and how your week was, but I'm so glad to have my feet up at the moment!  With hot tea and an m&m cookie at my side and some sniffles in my nose, I'm ready to share with you, then bid this week adieu and Sabbath it up tomorrow.

Today, my friend, Jenna, and I hosted a bridal shower for our friend Carolyn who will marry this June.  I would summarize our time together with one word: FUN!  How delightful to gather together to laugh, tell stories, open gifts, play games, and celebrate a friend and her upcoming marriage!  FUN!!

First thing this morning, because my sluggish and sleepy brain could do little else, I prepared Carolyn's gift.  The gift consisted of two parts: serious and slinky.  I'm sure you can guess what the latter was, >wink<.  The former was a book I really appreciated reading early in our marriage called, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men.  As I inscribed it, I thought about what my own husband means to me and how I've grown and changed throughout our ten and a half married years, which prompted me to include something like these sentences:

You're about to marry your forever friend and ally.  But sometimes he'll feel like neither or just be confusing.  Love him for who he is, just as Christ loves you.

You know, I sure don't always love my husband as Christ has loved me.  (Right, Colin?!)  But I am thankful for how weddings remind me of work God has done in our lives, of how much there is to appreciate about Colin, and how much happiness and growth there can be in our future days and years together.

I was interrupted by writing that little inscription.  God has been very gracious to me in providing the husband He did and using our relationship to shape both of us.  There ain't no such thing as "Mr. Right," but I sure do think Colin is "Mr. Just-Right-For-Me!"  Interruptions like these help me to keep our relationship in perspective, and I am thankful to God for that.

Amen?

The Battle's Raging this Christmas. Can You Feel It?

The past week has been tough.  Reading a blog post by a very pure-intentioned woman about how she's reclaiming Christmas for Jesus left me questioning everything we do around here, from how we celebrate the holidays to how we're rearing our children, all in a very negative light.  Pride masquerading as insecurity.  Then the shootings in Connecticut lead to an, let's say, "interesting" newsfeed on Facebook that made me decide to deactivate my account because I couldn't handle it, on so many levels.  Then once off Facebook, I started to wonder if I have any friends.  When there's not constant "conversation" happening all day long in cyberspace, I'm not sure what to do with myself and I realize how much of my life I don't pay attention to, because my mind is being tossed all around by what is on the minds of so many others.

Just before Christmas my life was bubbling

 with joylessness, doubt, fear, anger, frustration, and grief.

I sent a help-please-pray-for-me! email to a friend that read like this:

Inside my head, I'm feeling kinda emotional about things, wondering how I'm supposed to be doing life: Christmas, engaging with the church, schooling, how to also have real relationships with people, where I and our family should be serving, etc.  I try too hard most of the time to have everything figured out.  That's not my job, I know; Lord, have mercy!  I so want to be free, to hear God's voice and follow with joy, rather than wandering around feeling burdened by feeling like I'm doing everything wrong ... as if there's only one exact right way to do everything: parenting, marriage, serving others, church, etc.  I don't know if any of that makes sense, but you could pray for freedom?  I really want the Lord to free me from all of these ties from the old-self that keep me in bondage: people pleasing, worship of reputation, fear of failure, and so on.  Perhaps the evil one is trying really hard to keep me from joy this Christmas.  I'm sure that's part of it, too.

Sidenote, asking a friend to pray for you is THE BEST!  But I digress...  (but no, seriously, ask someone to pray for you today; it is THE BEST!)

Shortly after sending that email, Colin woke up and the kids were still sleeping (a miracle!) and God used him to help me sort through my brain-jumble, encourage me, and put me right-side up again.  My dear husband has to do that for me more often than not.  God bless him.

Then, as I got ready for the day and did my shower-thinking, I thought, Man, I bet the evil one is far more than a small "part of it."  He's a real enemy who would love to see me focused on myself rather than Christ in this Advent and Christmas season.

If you are a Christian, you have an enemy.

He is real.  He hates God, so he hates you.

And he would love to RUIN your Christmas.

But there's Good News!!

Christmas is about that enemy being defeated by a power greater than itself: light overcoming darkness, life triumphing over death.  The cosmic struggle between good and evil began when Eve and Adam tasted the fruit, but when Jesus was born, oh, how the demons must have trembled!  All the prophesy was coming to fruition, and the enemy was not happy about it.


Christmas is no quaint story about a baby in a manger.  It is about war - the fight for the souls of men.  So let's look alive, especially over this next week!  Our enemy will pick at our weaknesses to take our eyes off of our Strength.  By Him and His grace and mercy to us, we will stand and worship our Lord each day, even as we see the day approaching.  So whatever you've got going on that's dragging you down, when you feel like you should be all "merry and bright", could very well be an enemy attack.  Don't wilt or wallow.  Fight back with the Word and Prayer, and watch God fight for you.

Again.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Marriage Tips (not from me)

The husband and I are coming up on ten years of marriage.  My in-laws passed on a clipping from the local paper that held this little article (copied and pasted below) a while ago, but we just read it together this morning.  It's a great list and I wanted to share it with you married and betrothed folks - lots of wisdom here.  Enjoy!

Two dozen and one tips to marital bliss

by Sharon Randall (taken from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette)

July 3, 2012 12:44 pm

I first met Steve when he was a high school freshman playing basketball for my husband. Of all the great kids we knew over the years, Steve was one of the finest. I'll always be grateful for the eulogy he gave at my husband's memorial service.

When Steve got married a few years ago, I decided to give him a gift that would be both useful and cheap -- advice. So I sifted through years of experience, old columns and letters from readers to come up with the following:

1. Always put her first -- before work, friends, even basketball. Act as if she's the best thing that ever happened to you, because we all know she is.

2. Keep no secrets. Pool your money. Allow nothing and no one to come between you.

3. Pick your fights with care. Play fair. Show some class. Hurtful words can be forgiven, but they're hard to forget.

4. Fall in love again every day. Kiss her in taxis. Flirt with her at parties. Tell her she's beautiful. Then tell her again.

5. Never miss an anniversary or a birthday or a chance to make a memory. Memories may not seem important now, but one day they'll be gold.

6. Never give her a practical gift. If she really wants a Shop-Vac, let her pick it out herself.

7. Go to church together, and pray every day for each other and your marriage.

8. Pay your bills on time and make sure you each have a living will, a durable power of attorney and life insurance, lest, God forbid, you ever need them.

9. Love her parents as your own, but don't ask them for money. Never criticize her family or friends. On her birthday, send flowers to her mother with a note saying, "Thank you for giving birth to the love of my life."

10. Always listen to her heart; if you're wrong, say you're sorry; if you're right, shut up.

11. Don't half-tie the knot; plan to stay married forever.

12. Never go to bed mad; talk until you're over it, or you forget why you were mad.

13. Laugh together a lot. If you can laugh at yourselves, you'll have plenty to laugh about.

14. Never criticize, correct or interrupt her in public; try not to do it in private, either.

15. Remember that people are the least lovable when they are most in need of love.

16. Never fall for the myth of perfectionism; it's a lie.

17. When you don't like each other, remember that you love each other; pray for the "good days" to return and they will.

18. Tell the truth, only the truth, and always with great kindness.

19. Kiss at least 10 seconds a day, all at once or spread out.

20. Memorize all her favorite things and amaze her with how very well you know her.

21. Examine your relationship as often as you change the oil in your car; keep steering it on a path you both want it to go.

22. Be content with what you have materially and honest about where you are emotionally, and keep growing spiritually.

23. Never raise your voice unless you're on fire. Whisper when you argue.

24. Be both friends and lovers; in a blackout, light a candle, then make your own sparks.

25. Be an interesting person, lead your own life. But always save your best for each other. In the end, you will know you were better together than you ever could've been apart.

Note: If you switch the pronouns ("she" to "he," "him" to "her") you'll have 25 tips for the bride. They apply equally to both. Here's to happily ever after.

Guest Post: Misty from Encouraging Hearts at Home

Here's another post that made me laugh nervously and nod in agreement because I've. totally. been. there.

Click What Not To Read, wives, engaged women, or women who would like to be married some day, for a post just for you!

My list is not the same as Misty's, yours won't be either, but my heart resonated with the sentiments shared.  Let's read the books written for us, beginning with the Scriptures.  I think meditating on I Corinthians 13 and asking the Lord to show us how it applies to YOU (in my case, ME) is a good place to start.  God will change you ... and just might transform your marriage in the process.

God bless you as you walk as one flesh with the spouse He's given you.  May the kingdom grow as a result of your unique union!

Day 21: Love and Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful institution created by God.  I highly recommend it to those considering making the commitment.  However, you must know that when you get married you are marrying a person - not an idea, not a fantasy, not a robot - a real, live person.

So when Colin and I tied the knot, we not only got the joys and pleasures of till-death-does-us-part companionship and one-fleshedness.  We also brought our own sin and baggage into the marriage.  Take two people who love each other, but also each love themselves quite a bit, put them under the same roof and ask them to make life work and you're bound to hear (if the couple is honest) of arguments, grumbling & complaining, judgmental thoughts, etc., even in the midst of the delights of establishing a home, family, traditions, and routines that are unique to that couple that God has brought together.

Since this is my blog, I'll not go into Colin's "issues" and how God has used being married to such a wonderful woman like me to show him errors in his ways and change him ... ha!  If anything, being married to me has only grown him in patience and loving-kindness.  Dear man; if you only knew what he has to put up with!

More seriously, though, two things have come to mind that I want to share with you.  The first, is how God used the husband He had for me to address the pattern of guilt-tripping manipulation in my life.  The second, is how God uses my husband to teach me how much He really loves me.

God Uses Our Spouses to Reveal Our Sin

Like I mentioned earlier, we come into marriage with our history.  We can't leave it at the door; it's part of who we are.  I brought with me my people-pleasing and tendency to try to manipulate people into doing what I wanted them to do.  God, in his mercy, gave me a husband who will not be manipulated.  How convenient for addressing one of my major character flaws - that's God's sovereignty for you!  Because I could not make Colin do what I wanted him to do, I had to learn how to communicate better - talking about things that were difficult or uncomfortable - rather than reverting to passive aggressive behaviors, giving the cold shoulder, or just. plain. pouting.

It is hard to let go of ingrained patterns in our lives.  God uses our spouses and the wow-we're-together-every-day nature of the relationship, within the context of vows made, to reveal patterns of sin that will crumble the relationship if not addressed.  I'm so thankful that Colin is a strong enough man not to bow to a pouting wife.  It's been good for me!


God Uses Our Spouses to Reveal Himself to Us

We'll wrap up a decade of marriage next summer, and honestly, I'm in awe that Colin is still loving me, still likes hanging out with me, still listens to all my jabbering, still tells me I'm beautiful - all in such an affirming and edifying way.  Through his loving commitment to me and my good, I'm reminded that God calls me His beloved.  At moments, Colin is the very voice of God speaking into my life: you are loved; you are cherished; you are precious ... and yes, I do know ALL about you.

That's the most amazing thing to me!  I often find myself so unlovable, yet here is this husband who sticks around through the fun parts of life and through my moods, complaining, and sin.  Praise God for what commitment in marriage teaches us about the great forgiveness of our Lord, the depth of His mercy and compassion, the beauty of belonging to another.

*      *     *

If you are married, Satan would love to undermine your commitment to one another.  We must beware when we are proudly digging in our heels, rather than submitting to our spouse or putting their needs ahead of our own.  Bitterness, judgement, and unforgiveness can creep in so subtly, can't they?  In the book The Power of the Praying Wife, Stormie Omartian tells her readers they must begin with this 3-word prayer:  Lord, change ME.  That has always stuck with me.  When the going gets tough, we look for something or someone to blame (Genesis 3 style.)  In marriage, then, we're tempted to pray things like Lord, change HIM.  Or, Lord, change HER.  Omartain cautions that we must look at our own hearts first, so we can pray for our spouse for his or her good ... not our own!


Let's close today with some action points/questions:

1. In what ways can you let go of your own agenda to better serve your spouse?  Try something new this weekend!
2. How has God used your spouse to conform you more to His image?  Praise God for His work in you and let your spouse know how thankful you are God put him/her in your life.
3. Read I Corinthians 13:4-7.  Ask the Spirit to be working this kind of love toward your spouse into the fabric of your being - it's no lovey-dovey passage ... it's tough stuff not to keep records of wrongs, to be patient, not rude, and so on!

Remember that the point in loving our husband or wife better is to bring God glory.  Look to Him for the strength and energy you need to love and serve your husband or wife sacrificially.  May God bless your marriages as you look back to how He's been at work and ahead to loving one another better.  And feel free to share your own "real life" marriage stories in the comments!

This is Part 21 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?