March 3, 2015

Open for 2015 {Week 8}

For those of you just joining in, on Tuesdays this year I am writing about being OPEN because that is the word I felt the Lord lay on my heart to focus on in 2015.  OPEN has so many meanings and I have so many ways in which I need to grow, change, and be stretched in OPENness.  Writing about the theme is a way I'm using to keep myself accountable to thinking about being OPEN this year.

This weekend I got really hot and bothered at my husband about some things.  I must confess that most of my anger stemmed from plain, old fashioned selfishness and jealousy.  I wanted something I was not getting and placed all the blame on him.

How can I be so cruel to such a good guy?

What you need to know about me is that I am terrible at communicating when I am upset.  What I want to do is lash out and get it all off my chest.  Because I know that wouldn't be good and I would say things I didn't really mean, I go the slam doors and grumble under my breath route.  Not much better, I know.

Usually, once I get calmed down I figure that I was mostly the problem and don't say anything.  I figure it's my pride or selfishness that's mostly to blame.  But some of my feelings are legitimate, even if my reactions are less than mature.

So this weekend, after having a very rocky Saturday and a much calmer Sunday, I decided I would talk with my husband about the situation.  It may sound really silly, but I needed to be OPEN to talking and following through even though it made me terribly uncomfortable.

My husband is a kind and gracious man.  He listened to me and mercifully did not bring up accusations he probably could have against me.  The Lord also enabled me to speak words that were true, but not harsh, communicating my feelings without making him feel bad.  (When I'm mad I really want to say things that make the other person feel bad.  True story.)

My dream is to be able to take a deep breath and talk when I am upset, to get it over and done with, without so much drama.  But, baby steps!  Being OPEN for me this week meant being courageous enough to speak, even if it meant some moments of discomfort.  Come to think of it, there is one thing I neglected to say to my husband last night, apologizing for clinging to my anger too long.  Ugh, that kind makes me squirm, too.  Have I mentioned lately how proud I am?

Time to take action:  What makes you uncomfortable or nervous, but that you feel like you need to do both to do what is right and to grow?  My example might seem super-duper silly to you, because you don't have any trouble communicating your needs and emotions.  But I reckon there are other areas where the Lord is nudging you to be strong and courageous, and He will be with you when you go there.  Will you join me in being OPEN and taking action?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 
James 1:19-22

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