February 23, 2011

When I Look Back ... Calling on God for the Impossible.

Sometimes I used to make my mom come into my room at night, after I should have been asleep, to scratch my back.  I hated when she'd rub it.  It had to be scratched.

She would.

Now I know she was surely feeling the pressure of household tasks or simply the draw of crawling into her own bed.  But she took the time to scratch my back.

*   *   *

I spent a lot of yesterday barking orders at my children, getting frustrated at myself for not knowing what to do with their disobedience, then feeling worse because I always resort to yelling.  Yelling "works" especially well with Brian.  But I should be able to come up with something better than that. Right?  And oh, the rage that wells up within me when I'm defied.  Boy oh boy!

We also got out to do some sledding, had dinner at my sister's cozy home with her family, and I wrapped up the day with individual cuddle and reading time with each of my sweet ones (eventually falling asleep for a while in Elizabeth's bed with her.)  How precious!  And the icing on the cake: getting to be with my husband and hear about his algorithm troubles before finally succumbing to sleep for good.

That's life, isn't it?  The ugly mixed with the beauty.  The rotten stink of sin intermingled with the fragrant aroma of the true, right, noble, and praiseworthy.

It got me to thinking about what I want to remember about the years I had at home with my children.  I want them to be "back scratching" memories!  But right now I imagine they will guilt-filled memories, seeing only the times I blew it.  That will be horrible and it is NOT the way I want to remember.

A friend (thanks, Tom) asked this question on a facebook post today:

Are you calling upon the Father for the impossible today? 

I'm glad I read this before sitting down with my notebook and the Word.  What fuel for prayer!

What's the impossible in my life?  To stop being a yeller?  To be more kind and gentle?  To feel less guilty?


But, no.

The impossible in my life is that I could live every moment, do every task, engage in every conversation to the glory of God.

Last night, my fear of the future, when I look back at my young mommy years, was all based on ME.


The Lord is gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.  He wants us to fear Him, serve Him, love Him - with all our heart, soul, and mind.  And I'm pretty sure He's the only one that can bring this kind of transformation in my life!  (yours, too.)

Furthermore, as He changes us into true worshipers, I firmly believe that that nasty guilt, the ugly yelling, the habitual sins will lose their power.

Will you call on the Father for the impossible today?  My prayer is that God will make me one who lives for His glory.  How about you?  With the crazy self-love in my heart, it seems impossible.  But as Jesus said:

What is impossible with man is possible with God.

And Augustus Toplady in 'Rock of Ages':

Not the labor of my hands,
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,

All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save and Thou alone. 


  1. You are a great mom and your kids will probably forget the yelling(probably even by the next morning!) and remember those "back scratching" moments forever. Even when we think we have failed them, they still love us so much. Logan write and draws in a journal before bed each night. And last week one night he drew a picture of me and a big heart and said I was the best mom and he loved me so much. It brought tears to my eyes...knowing how much he loves and that he forgives me for when I am less than patient and happy with him. (And believe me my frustration can get the best of me more than I would like to admit!) So relax a little, give yourself a break and know that you are doing the best you can for you and your kids and know that they will always love and forgive you!! Your an AWESOME mom!!!!

  2. I agree - children are so amazingly forgiving. Praise God that they are. And Praise God that HE is too...

    YEs, each day has sin and each day has beauty and grace. The combination of both makes us thankful for the life we have been given, and makes us long to be sinless too. One day... one day... x

  3. thanks ladies! I am amazed at my kids' forgiveness and unconditional love all the time; and I'm sure they won't remember the "momzilla" moments. Praise the Lord! It's my own memories that are the hang-up. And there-in, God must work.

    Thanks so much for your encouragement! We need each other, don't we? :)

  4. Oh, Gretchen, that is such a sweet story, by the way! A treasure for a mommy's heart. :)