Day 24: Child Rearing ... (and a giveaway!)

This is Part 24 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?


Pretty much everyone will tell you that having a child changes your life.

That is true.

The statement is usually it's in reference to the loss of freedom that comes with having a living, human being for whom you're completely responsible.  Yeah, it's a big deal.  And when they're tiny, they demand every ounce of your energy (something I'm trying not to think too much about with the February due date getting closer and closer!)  As they get older, their practical day-to-day neediness decreases, but their need to be loved, nurtured, and encouraged remains.  (Think even now about yourself; don't you still want to be loved, nurtured, and encouraged?)

But that life change need not be only approached from the negative angle, Look at all that I'm losing.  For Scripture attests to children being a blessing.  From our children we can gain new insight into the depth of our own need for the cross.  Believe it or not, this is a HUGE blessing - no matter how painful - and can take us from a look at the freedom lost to a look the freedom gained; praise the Lord perspective.

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When Elizabeth was small, I thought I was a pretty good parent, mostly because I had rules and Elizabeth needed to (and often did) obey them.  Comparing myself with other more lax parents was my measuring stick. At least I was doing it "right."

Hm.

As a result of my authoritarian parenting, I was so hard on Elizabeth.  My expectations were high, as she was generally a compliant child.  And my fear of what others thought of me as a parent was also high - leading to unnecessary harshness on many occasions to "get" her to obey or not embarrass me.  I can remember one occasion being really mad at her coming up the stairs to our apartment, or maybe it was crossing the street to get to the building, I don't remember the circumstances exactly.  But I remember how I felt,

angry, irate, furious.

She was walking way too slow and I was carrying a bunch of heavy things.  Could she not just hurry up so my arms wouldn't break?  For.   goodness.   sake?!

Um, no, she couldn't.  She was one and a half, with short chubby little legs that had only been walking for a handful of months.

Dear Lord, have mercy.  I hate that memory, and others like it.  I could have made two trips with all of the stuff in my arms and gently gotten E to where she needed to be, without the rage.  But I was so very self-absorbed.

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Parenting a child will open up so many new doors for a parent to see new depths of his/her depravity, if one's eyes and heart are open to seeing.  Early on in the series I spoke of death having everything to do with moving into the new life to which Jesus calls us.  Admitting that I, as a parent, have a heart problem and it's not just my kids that "make me" do things, means that a little bit more of me has to die.  But as the old sinful habits, reactions, and behaviors begin to change, we're ushered into a new era of parenting - no longer a constant battle of wills, but rather a training ground for both you and your child(ren) to trust the Lord for help with our actions and reactions.  God brings freedom from the tyranny of getting it all right, with our kids' obedience indicating "how we're doing" as parents, and gives us freedom to entrust their little souls to Him, as much as we've entrusted Him with our own.

It is important for our children to be trained and disciplined, yes, but they also need to be respected as individuals with thoughts, feelings, needs, and unique personalities.*  That's where the transformation has had to happen in me.  Embracing the call of motherhood, not only to give my children rules to obey, but to disciple them, guide them, show them compassion when I know how hard it is to consider others before myself, to study their unique personalities and know when they need discipline versus when they need to be put to bed, etc., has made all the difference in our home and in my heart.  (Special thanks to God for Sally Clarkson and MomHeart ministry.)

As a parent you've been called to raise up your little (or big) ones.  When God calls, He provides all we need to pursue the calling.  But he never promises it will be easy.  Think about the call on our Savior's life, that cost Him his life! Most of us will not taste physical death as a result of rearing our children, but we may need to put big prideful chunks of ourselves to death to move forward in faith in this calling, becoming more of the parent God wants us to be.

I do hope and pray that my sin does not have deep, lasting effects on my children.  Anyone else think this at times?!  But knowing that the Jesus I point them to when they find themselves in sin is the same Jesus that I need each day puts a beautiful spin on being their parent.  When they find it hard to share, not hit, respect their father, or obey, I can point them to Jesus.  When I find myself getting all up in a tizzy or having an irritable day, I can say to them, "Wow, mommy's not doing well today.  Please forgive me for taking it out on you.  Please pray that I'll have self-control or patience, or whatever I need."  (I had to do this just today, in fact - and, praise God, it really turned our day around!)

Parents, God bless you as your love, nurture, disciple, discipline, and train your children.  It really is an endless job, but you are not alone and God has good things in store for you and your kids.  Trust Him in and with it all!

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Next Monday our 31-Day journey comes to an end.  One more week.  Phew, this has been a delightful and intense adventure in writing!

To celebrate, I'm going to give away a couple of books next Monday, October 31!  Jerry Bridges is an author who has profoundly influenced my faith, so I'd like to pass along two of his gems.

Respectable Sins:
Confronting the Sins We Tolerate

The Discipline of Grace:
God's Role and Our Role in the Pursuit of Holiness

To enter the contest, please leave a comment here, letting me know whether you'd like your name entered for just one or both of the books.  If you have been with me throughout the whole month, I'll give you a bonus entry - be honest!  And if you post about the giveaway on your own blog or Facebook, I will enter your name yet again.  Wow, so many ways to increase your chances of winning; things are getting crazy around here!

Entries will be received until 7:00 am on Monday, October 31.  I'll announce the winners in the final post of the month!

*I wrote a 3-part series last year on What Should We Expect From Our Children.  Click to read:  Part I, Part II, Part III.  The final post has a list of some of my favorite parenting/motherhood reads, if you'd like to go more in depth on this topic.

Day 19: The Great Sin

This is it, readers, the final post in string of sin posts.  The list of sins has not been exhausted, but a month is only 31 days and we need to move on.  I've saved the best (or worst) for last:

PRIDE

Pride is a beast, the sin that lies beneath the surface of all the others.  C. S. Lewis calls it The Great Sin and devotes a chapter to it in Mere Christianity.  (A book that you need to make it a priority to read if you have not.)  I don't believe I can say much better on the subject that my friend Lewis, so I've invited him to be a guest writer linked to the blog today.  Please click here to read his thoughts on The Great Sin.  Thank you, Mr. Lewis, for obediently writing for the edification of the church in your own generation and the generations that followed.

I am a highly competitive, self-absorbed individual.  Pride is a driving force in my life like none other.  From fighting over the privileged front seat of the car with my siblings in childhood, to wanting to be perceived as a great parent as an adult, my need for admiration, getting the best thing, or being the very best has driven me to countless sins against God and my fellow man throughout my life.

It is a beast, my friends.  I can think of no other way to describe it.  Are you familiar with this beast in your heart?  We must know the beast to properly identify and confront it.

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On the other end of the spectrum from pride, we find

HUMILITY

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 2:4-5)

His name is Jesus.

Jesus did not seek equality with God.  Though he was the only man who ever lived who could have!  He humbled Himself, even to death on a cross.  He took on the form of a servant, while knowing he was the King of kings.  (Philippians 2:6-11)  This Jesus, with power over life and death, laid down his life for us.  He calls the proud to believe, be forgiven, and be transformed into His likeness.

Pride is the first and worst sin, so grace is most amazing when it embraces the fruits of pride rather than the the fruits of gluttony or lust, when it reaches the Pharisee souldrather than the profligate Mary Magdalene, when it wins the proud person made prouder still by calling rather than the sinner feeling unworthy to be addressed. 

Only grace can dissolve the hard, solitary, vaunting "I" of the sin of pride in each of us. But the good news is that it does.  Os Guiness' The Call, p123 (emphasis mine)

Let me leave you with this final encouragement,

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he   will   lift   you   up.  James 4:7-10

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Looking ahead:  Tomorrow we'll be shifting gears, looking into how God uses our circumstance to shape our faith and our character.  Often in the most uncomfortable places, God does His best and most glorious work in us.

Day 18: Unwholesome Talk

I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.  Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever.  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.  ~Jesus, (John 8:34-36)

Thank you, Jesus, for telling us the truth - the truth that we're worse off than we ever imagined, but that your grace is greater than we ever imagined!

For we were dead in our transgressions, BUT GOD who is rich in mercy, has made us alive with Christ.   Ephesians 2:4-5, paraphrase 

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. BUT NOW he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.  Colossians 1:21-22 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!  ALL THIS IS FROM GOD, who reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. 2 Corinthians 5:17-19a

For the last while, we've been talking sin and talking it in the context of the Good News ... the only context in which we can really look at our sin, admit it, and be freed from it.  Like clay in the potter's hand, the Lord molds us in the here and now for eternity with Him, shaping us into what He intended for us in the first place by smoothing out the rough places, transforming our hearts from stone to flesh.  In His hands, we are no longer shackled in slavery to sin, we serve a new and living Master who has plans for us!  More on the plans toward the end of this series, though.  For today, let's talk a little about our tongues.

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I talk a lot.  Sometimes in a conversation, even I am thinking, why am I still talking? You know it's bad when the person talking thinks it's gone on long enough ... imagine the poor soul listening.  The life of a verbal processor can be an embarrassing road.  I often long to be like my husband who can sit in a room alone and think and actually make sense of his thoughts.  And he married me.  God bless him!

But, though we should be growing in both self-control and love for others as we walk with Jesus, talking a lot is not the theme for today.  Our concern is the content  of our speech.  WHAT are we talking about?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

Unwholesome talk can take on many forms: gossip, dirty jokes, impatient command-barking at our children, criticizing another, lying, grumbling, complaining, angry outbursts, etc.  We're all guilty.  You know how I know?  Because the Bible, the Word, tells me so:

You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12:34 

But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'  For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  Matthew 15:18-19

In addition to these statements of Jesus', the gospels speak often of Him knowing what's going on in the hearts of those coming to Him, whether with impure motives or in faith.  He knows our hearts are full of darkness and the nasty, rotten fruit is revealed through our speech.  As I mentioned with anger and lust, there's no real thought that goes into having angry or lustful thoughts; they're just suddenly there - uninvited, but there none the less!  Out of the overflow of the heart....

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Yet again, we find ourselves at the foot of the cross, asking Jesus to change our hearts.  He is willing!  The Spirit lives within to help us.  "Good fruit resources" abound to fill up the space left behind when we, by God's grace, have plucked out a piece of rotten fruit from our hearts.

Check out this post from the annals of Life in the Valley and consider what you're "storing up" to God's glory, that streams of living water might flow from you!  And, hey, why not give the devil a little kick in the shins TODAY by making a point to intentionally say some "building up" things to folks you encounter: the grocery clerk, your spouse, a co-worker, a friend, your child, your roommate, or a complete stranger.

This is Part 18 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?

Day 17: Are You a Sluggard at Heart Like I Am?

We are half-way through October!  Keep your eyes peeled for an end-of-month book give-away next Monday; winners will be announced on the 31st.  I love books!!

I'm getting to this post late today because I figured I'd better try practicing what I was about to "preach."  So rather than spend time today putzing around here, I actually applied myself to my work.  What a concept!  It was satisfying to know that I was doing what was right for me at the moment, rather than giving into the laziness, and some of the tasks even went more quickly than I expected, leaving time to post tonight and spend some time with the husband.  Bonus!

Now, what you've all been waiting for: some thoughts on laziness/sloth.

Reading monthly through the Proverbs this year has highlighted my bent toward laziness and caused me to stop and think about the cost ... and then (sometimes) check my behavior and choose diligence.  In the Proverbs, the title given to the lazy individual is sluggard.  Quite a word, huh?  Some examples:

How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest -
and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.
Proverbs 6:9-10 

The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.  Proverbs 13:4 

A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.  Proverbs 20:4 

The sluggard’s craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work.  Proverbs 20:25 

I went past the field of the sluggard,    past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment;  thorns had come up everywhere,    the ground was covered with weeds,    and the stone wall was in ruins. I applied my heart to what I observed    and learned a lesson from what I saw: A little sleep, a little slumber,    a little folding of the hands to rest— and poverty will come on you like a bandit    and scarcity like an armed man.Proverbs 24:30-34 

The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.  Proverbs 26:15

The imagery here is so vivid and apt.  The sluggard reaps what he sows ... and he's not sown much, apparently.  And yet can find himself surprised at his own poverty and need.


I really do not want to label myself a sluggard, but if I'm honest with you and with myself, the tug to be a sluggard rather than a diligent individual is strong (and often wins) in my life.  This is especially true with the television, internet, email, Facebook, blogs, etc.  These elements of technology are wonderful!  It is easy, however, to use them as an excuse to avoid other things that should take precedent at certain times.

In college, I had a professor accuse me of being accurately asses me as a "closet slacker."  Oh snap!  That was like a knife in the heart of that people-pleasing, performance-oriented young woman.  He was so dead on, that I could not really argue with the statement.  On the outside I wanted to appear diligent, enthusiastic, and industrious.  But I was always trying to find the easiest way to do things or hoping I could get out of what I needed to or volunteered to do.  Dear me.

The temptation then, of course, is to try to prove you one's self and others that you're not lazy, to really work hard and "show them!"  One big thing I want you to take away from this post is that avoiding sluggardly laziness does not mean working all the time, never resting, never going out with friends or family, and turning in the Martha of all Marthas!  Nope.  As is our custom in this 31-day series, we're dealing with the heart and how it needs to be transformed.  For we can be hard at work without our heart being in it - thanks for that line, Andrew Carnegie - longing to be on the phone, checking Facebook, at the beach, or in bed!  And we can be on vacation, out with friends, even sitting for dinner with our family, fretting about how we're not accomplishing anything.

A verse comes to mind:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  I Corinthians 10:31

My attitude while at work or play is not often solely motivated by bringing glory to God.  How about yours?  And yet how would that transform both?  For God can be honored in our eating and drinking, our waking and sleeping, our working and playing.  It's a heart attitude that I think could make both work and rest more satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling.

In our days, then, we must listen to our heart.  What is the wisdom of the Spirit telling us about how we should use each segment of the day?  Are we working when we should be resting?  Are we resting when we should be working?  Dear Father, forgive us.  Teach us to listen, to trust, and to obey.

On-going laziness has its rewards ... as described in the Proverbs, they're detrimental.  Likewise, diligence comes with rewards.  Does it not feel good to fall into bed at night knowing that you've fulfilled your obligations, run the race well, sought to do your best in each moment, accomplished a project or at least made headway?  And isn't rest and relaxation after a good day's or week's or season's work just that much sweeter?  When we try to mingle the two (a terribly bad habit of mine), neither the work God's gives nor the rest He's promised are what they could be.  In fact, we're usually left deeply wanting in both areas of life.  Dear Father, help us to strike a balance as we seek FIRST after you.

So, what do you say?  Will you join me in rising to the call to be diligent for the glory of God also to rest to the glory of God?  I wonder what life will be like as God changes our hearts to desire to do whatever we do for His glory?  Little tastes of heaven, whetting our appetite for the real thing!

This is Part 17 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?

Day 15: Lust

Today's post will not be all about sex, or about sex at all really, for while the first thing that might come to mind is men and women lusting after each other, we all lust after a whole lot of other things to varying degrees.

Merriam-Webster defines lust as an intense desire or craving for something.  And their example sentences are interesting, none including sexual desire: "He was driven by his lust for power" and "Lust for chocolate drove her to the candy store."  Perhaps you've also heard mention the term "techno-lust" or even "wanderlust."  We all have intense desires or cravings for things.  Being pregnant, sometimes I want a very specific type of food, when any number of things in the fridge would certainly suffice nutritionally.

In addition to food, I can be driven by admiration lust, vacation lust, new baby lust, alone time lust, new clothing lust, money lust, etc.  And, as with anger, I feel that when the desire takes over, the sin compounds and soon I'm discontent, impatient with those around me, angry, and so on.  It's difficult to take sins separately without speaking a bit of how they're like a tangled ball of knitting yarn in our hearts, isn't it?

When we find the [insert your type]-lust growing in our hearts, it is the time for action!  The craving, and the desire to fill it A. S. A. P., signals we're lacking something, feeling empty, and moving toward filling the void with something temporal and ultimately unsatisfying.

Action point #1 is to REMEMBER who we were, who we now are, and who we're becoming:

Ephesians 2:1-5As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ² in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. ⁴ BUT because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 

Philippians 3:17-21
Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. ¹⁸For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. ¹⁹ Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. ²⁰ BUT our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

It's important to remember that but for the grace of God, go I.  Without God the Father's rescue plan, without Jesus' work on the cross and His resurrection, without the in-dwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, our god is our stomach too.  When we're dealing with sin, we cannot look around us and compare our behavior - in thought, word, and deed - with those around us.  The measuring stick is God's holiness.

And because of His great love, He has shown us mercy.  We deserve death and He gives life, even life eternal with Him.  Sometimes it can cause you to tremble.

It is good to REMEMBER; in remembering we're moved to repentance and faith.

Action point #2 GO DEEP

Allow the Spirit's surgical tools, the Word and prayer, to open you up and expose what's under the lust.  The object of your lust is not the problem, it's your heart "looking for love in all the wrong places" that's the issue.  Are you feeling lonely, fearful, out of control, unloved, insecure, etc.?  These desires can find their fulfillment in Christ who calls you His beloved son or daughter, who knit you together, who has plans for you, who promises to never leave or forsake you, whose yoke is easy and burden is light, who has overcome the world.  Be honest with the Lord.  He already knows your desires and (believe it or not) He wants to give you desires of your heart as you delight in Him.  (Psalm 37:4)  Turn your eyes upon Jesus and faithfully watch Him fulfill your desires in ways better than you could have by chasing after earthly things or making a wonderful plan.  For the desires of themselves are not wrong; but satisfying them apart from the Lord is.  I wonder what God will do in your life and in mine in this area of lust?  Can't wait to see and I bet it will be GOOD!

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!  Tomorrow you can give a listen to a hymn that has been on my mind all week that I pray will bless you too.  And Monday, we'll return to the regularly scheduled program ... laziness/sloth might be a good topic for a Monday, eh?  Also, if you attend City Reformed Church here in Pittsburgh and have not been attending the fall's Sunday school class, please join in.  It's called "How Christian's Change" and there's lots of overlap with our theme here at Life in the Valley.

This is Part 15 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?

Day 14: Judgmentalism

Oh, that girl should NOT be wearing those pants.

She's clearly THAT kind of homeschooling mom.

Obviously, THOSE children are not being disciplined by their parents.

Only and IDIOT puts that many bumper stickers on their car.

He really should NOT be eating that much food.

How can they call themselves Christians and engage in THAT behavior?

These are the kinds of thoughts that might flash through my mind without warning as I stroll around town, drive the streets, shop at my local stores, or (gulp) while I'm at church.  Over the years I have gotten into the habit of evaluating everything I see and making quick judgments.  Have you?  When the thought is positive, I'll share it, statements like, Look at how beautiful the flowers are in their yard!  or  Her hair cut is really  great!  When the thoughts are more like the statements above, I keep them to myself.  Most of the time.  Though perhaps a knowing glance is exchanged with someone nearby who's thinking the same thing.

Whether negative or positive, for some reason, we decide that it's our place to make judgments about the world around us.  Now, God gives us discerning minds so that we can make sound judgments about what may or may not be safe in a given situation, or to distinguish good from evil.  But it is too easy (at least for me) to take the blessing of critical thinking, and turn it into a weapon I use to criticize others and build myself up.  Are you catching the repetition of this "it's all about me" theme with sin?  I mean, seriously, we need to get over ourselves!

Enter, the Gospel.  Jesus is there, yet again to rescue us.  But not until after He drops these bombs to wake us up in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 7:

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 

   ³ Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

What makes it so easy to size up our neighbor, friends, family members, or complete strangers, raising the gavel and pronouncing judgment?  COMPLETELY ignoring our own giant sin.

It's so very easy to identify another's weakness, isn't it?  Yet so very difficult to see our own.  And often most of the time when we're judging others, it has little to do with their sin, and more with our own preferences and opinions.  That makes it even worse!

The first two verses really get at my heart.  How about yours?  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.  I'm (in my thoughts) hard on people much of the time, not merciful.  Yet I would like to be shown mercy.  Hey pot, you call the kettle black much?!  I don't want to be judged by my measure - it expects far too much perfection from people far too incapable of achieving it - nevertheless, I apply it to my neighbor ... the neighbor I'm called to love.

Blah.

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I'm going to assume that I am not the only one with a "judging problem" and proceed using the pronoun we.    And I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I just found the convicting verses below from Romans 2 by doing a keyword search at biblegateway.com.  How's that for profound Biblical scholarship?  I'm learning right along with you, good reader!

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. ² Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. ³ So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? ⁴ Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?

Dear Father, how often we show You contempt when we proudly judge another.  You have redeemed us by your loving-kindness and shown us mercy beyond our comprehension.  Jesus' and Paul's words cut us to the heart.  Forgive us our trespasses today, especially that of passing judgement on our neighbor.  Grow in our hearts a deeper understanding of Your love for us, so we don't need to try and steal affection from the idolatry of self by standing in judgment of others.  Help us to trust Jesus for salvation and look to His example for 

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (I Peter 2:23-25)

We return to you, Lord, the One who judges justly, praying these things in Jesus' name.  Amen.

This is Part 14 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?

Day 12: Anger Much?

Good morning!  Grab a cup of coffee, this post is a little long!

This is Part 12 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?

Over the last week, we've been delving into the sins in our hearts in the context of the Gospel - that God forgives our sins when we trust that Jesus' took our punishment (death) for them in our place - to the end of "becoming more ourselves than ever."  But even knowing that God loves us, His children, we still kinda squirm when we admit to ourselves just how much we continue needing Jesus' work on the cross.  We really squirm when we have to admit it to others.  Don't we want to "keep up appearances"?  I sure do.

Sadly, the keeping up of appearances harms us and those around us ... not to mention the offense against God.  However, when we talk about our sin and God's work in our hearts, we're protected from our pride, God receives the glory He deserves, and others are pointed in His direction.  I love David's words after He's cried out to God for mercy and for a clean heart in Psalm 51:13.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

Could God use me or you to teach another?  Will we let Him by opening our lips to share all that from which He has saved us?

Think about those questions as we move on with today's topic:

ANGER!*

Anger is a biggie in my life.  Rather than being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19), I'm prone to the opposite, making the next verse a real zinger:

for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Jesus, in fact, likened getting angry with our brother to murder.  Ooooh ouch, Jesus.  Really?  Is it that bad?

*     *     *

I don't believe people throughout my life would describe me as an "angry person" - though you could weigh in in the comments if you disagree!  Grumpily lumbering about and always snapping at people has never been my style (I'm far too much of a people-pleaser for that.  ha!)  Yet, all joking aside, how quickly comes the fit of rage (Galatians 5:20) when suddenly life is not going my way?!

• someone cuts me off or tails me or goes too slowly when I'm on the road
• a child doesn't listen or obey quick enough for my liking
• my husband fails to meet my expectations
• the kids are up too early for my taste
• I am made to look foolish or misrepresented in some situation
• someone takes what was rightfully or "rightfully" mine

Speaking for myself, I've used all of the above as excuses to cling to my anger and feel justified in treating others poorly (sin begetting more sin!)  Now, a Heather-style fit of rage may not express itself in punching out another driver, physically abusing my children, or leaving my husband.  When we hear of people doing things like that, we breathe a sigh of relief that we're not that bad, don't we?  Phew, at least I have enough decency not to ... when I'm angry.

But allow me to, ever so kindly, remind you that Jesus said:

You have heard it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.  Again anyone who says to his brother, "Raca," is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.  Matthew 5:21-22

Can we agree that when we talk anger, we're not talking small potatoes?

You'll notice the bold words in the list I created above.  Most of the time our anger is all about I, me, and mine, isn't it?  I believe we talked about that root problem early in the series: we want to be our own god, we want the world to revolve around us.

I find that often I don't even make a decision to get angry, it just happens in the blink of an eye.  And before I know it, the little spark is a huge fire of rage within my heart.  I may not be an angry person, but I am a person in which anger lurks - just. under. the. surface. - waiting for the opportunity to unleash itself in all of it's hideous glory.

*     *     *

How can we extinguish these angry heart-fires?

ADMIT THE SIN:  As with all sin, we've gotta start by admitting there's a problem - our natural reaction does not honor God or our neighbor.  Oh, how we need Jesus to help us admit it!  We want to give Him our excuses about why our anger is justified in this situation; He's inviting us to repent, believe, and be changed.

MAKE A DECISION NOT TO LET THE ANGER GROW (self-control):  This is a "fruit of the Spirit" thing. The more we're talking with the Holy Spirit about our desire to change and our need for His intervention in those moments of testing, the more growth we will see - the more we will become who we were intended to be and can rejoice at the way God is at work in our lives.

An example: My kids have always been early risers.  Friends, this used to make me so mad.  I'd just be settling in to my morning quiet time, and I'd hear the little pitter-patter of feet above me.  They are coming.  Aurgh!, I would groan to myself.  Sometimes I would angrily try to get them to go back to sleep: speak harshly, ignore, or whatever I thought might guilt them into going back to bed so I could get my way.  Yep, real mature, I know.  But wow, has God been changing my heart as he's shown me the error of my anger, its extensions (rudeness, impatience, unkindness), and is helping me to choose patience, kindness, and self-control.   What a difference it makes for all of us on those mornings that I choose God's way!  (And how much easier it gets to choose His way when we've practiced doing it before.)

FORGIVE:  There are times that we're angry because of a legitimate hurt or offense, not just because life is not going our way.  In this case, too, we have the opportunity to choose.

Another example:  We were hit by another driver on Good Friday this year.  The accident was his fault, but he lied to his insurance company and they would not pay our deductible.  It just wasn't right.  Every time I drive past where the accident occurred I'm reminded of how infuriating that is to me.  We had the money to pay for it, praise God!  No one was hurt, even better!  But I had to really hash it out with God and choose to forgive that man.  Clinging to the anger accomplishes nothing but maintain rot in my heart.  Jesus said that other hard thing in the Lord's Prayer: Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.  Dear Lord, help us to forgive!

And finally,
PRAISE GOD:  Jesus' blood has covered over every little ounce of anger you've ever expressed or will express.  Amazing love, how can it be, that thou my God shouldst die for me?!

*     *     *

My apologies, this post has gotten too long, but it doesn't seem right to split it up.  If you made it this far, thank you for being a kind and loving blog-reading friend!  I pray that today God's Word would take root in your heart and that He'd allow you to see, EVEN TODAY, what He's accomplishing in YOU.

* I'll not be getting into "righteous anger" vs. unrighteous here.  I venture to guess, if you're anything like me, that most of the time the anger you deal with is primarily about you being right, justified, offended, etc. not about pursing some righteous cause.  Maybe not, but I'm functioning under that assumption.  And I'm just not familiar enough with "righteous anger" ... not sure I've ever experienced it!

Day 11: If only ...

If only my son didn't wake up so early.
     If only I'd chosen to go to a different college.
          If only my husband were done with graduate school.
               If only our kids were older.
                    If only we made a little more money.
                         If only our house were bigger.
                              If only I were a little older, or younger.
                                  If only my spouse did this thing differently.
                                      If only my house would clean itself.
                                           If only this sickness would go away.
                                                If only I could have a short vacation.
                                                    If only ...
                                                        If only ... 
                                                             If only ... .

Neighboring envy in our hearts, dwells discontentment - If only circumstances were different, my life would be what I want it to be.

We've all been in situations where we find ourselves caught up in the "if onlys."  Circumstances get tough, and usually we don't get going, as the phrase goes.  Rather, we get right down and dirty in the complaining, grumbling, and whining - perhaps not out loud, like my children would, but we're venting the discontent just as fully in our hearts and minds.  Yes, I throw tantrums, they just take a different form than that of a small child.

I'm sure most of the time, like me, you feel quite justified in your discontent.  The statements are somewhat true, some things would be easier if the circumstances were different, right?  Probably, yes.  But what about other surrounding factors?  We can neither control those, nor know what life would be like if the thing we wanted to change did suddenly change.

It is sinful to dwell in discontent, wishing life were different and moping around (either overtly or internally.)  How can we own this sin and root it out?

Declaring War on Discontentment

As with any other sin pattern in our lives, we need to put it to death.  But "taking it down" is not a matter of bucking up and proving to yourself, God, and others how awesome you are that you overcame your sin.  Nope.  Friend, you still need to daily rely on the blood of Jesus to cover your sin.  He is the source and sustenance of our salvation, every day of our lives: 

I am the vine, you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.  Apart from me, you can do nothing.  John 15:5

So a declaration of war on discontentment will begin with Him and the war will continue with Him - the great heart changer!

You may be familiar with Paul's popular-to-repeat line from Philippians 4:13,

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

But have you ever read it in context?  Prior to that verse, Paul says he's learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, that he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength.  Christ strengthens us unto contentment, even in situations that are legitimately difficult and not simply less desirable than we would like.

Allow me to suggest a few weapons at your disposal for combating discontentment:

1. Prayer - both repentance and supplication, meaning we're asking God to forgive us for our ungratefulness and for looking to something other than Him for satisfaction AND we're asking Him for wisdom in how to live and thrive (yes, even thrive!) in the circumstances that our sinful nature tells us are so utterly unacceptable.  Moving away from asking, How can I get of this?  And moving toward asking, What might God have for us in the trial/challenge/difficulty?
2. Gratitude - this. takes. practice!  You'll likely need to be praying (see #1) for God to open your eyes to see that for which you can give thanks.  But once the gratitude ball really gets rolling, it grows into a massively beautiful thing in your life, leaving less and less space for discontent.  Like I said yesterday, pull out a weed and plant a flower.  God will likely even bring you to the point of giving thanks for the difficulties (crazy, right?!)  I dare you to try being thankful today, then more thankful tomorrow, and so on!  Oh yeah, I dared you.  You can't back down now.
3. Community - you know those friends you have and those people you go to church with?  Let me tell you something about them.  They, too, struggle (to differing degrees) to be content in Christ and whatever lot God's given them at the moment.  Let some of your closest confidants know that you're struggling to be content and grateful, to remember you Savior and trust in God's goodness.   They can join you in prayer, you can encourage one another, and the kingdom will be built up just a little more in and among you!

Here's to some good battles and God-honoring triumphs as you give your discontentment the boot and replace it with thanksgiving!  You know the whole point in all of this, right?  I mentioned it at the end of an earlier post:

Solo Deo gloria / Glory to God alone

When the Holy Spirit whispers in your ear and prompts you to faith, obedience, or repentance, take heart and rejoice.  The Lord is at work in your life!  He reveals Himself and our sin to us as we walk with Him and IT. IS. GOOOOOOOD (even if, at times, painful.)

Shall we talk about anger tomorrow?

I think we just might.

See you then!

This is Part 11 of a month-long series you can learn more about by starting with Day 1 here.  There are many others doing super cool series this month as well, perhaps you'd like to see the list?

Day 10: Envy

Deep in my heart, there has always been this "need" to be the best.  I've wanted to be admired, praised, acknowledged, have all the attention, etc.; it's a battle to keep these desires under control.  As I talked about early on in the series, the problem in my heart is that I want to be in God's place;  I  want people to recognize me.  My ego needs you to focus entirely on how great I am ... or at least I need to think I'm the awesome-est.

Dear friends, it is horribly shameful to admit.  Only because Jesus has intervened in my life can I let you in on my dirty little secrets.  I'm learning that if one does not lay it all out there, he continues to be controlled by impulses and sin that ultimately lead to death.  Maybe not immediate death, but certainly misery now and death ultimately.  We were talking about this yesterday in Sunday School based on these verses of warning from James 1:13-15

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

DEATH - that is where we're headed when we let our sin continue to grow and take over our lives.  But in Christ, we get to turn that death back on itself, because HIS death brings LIFE!  As we put to death the sin within us and put on our new self, we are being renewed in knowledge in the image of our Creator. (Colossians 3: 1-10)

Envy and Rotting Bones

A heart at peace gives life to the body,

but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 14:30

Scripture gets right to the point, doesn't it?  James shows us how quickly sin leads to death; we're shaken by King Solomon's description of envy decaying our skeleton.

Death and rotting bones.

It's not pretty.

I don't imagine any of us want to head in that direction intentionally, but how quickly our hearts take us there when we are not on our guard!

Envy has been a way of life for me.  When I was young I (in the midst of a perfectly good life with little difficulty) was jealous of my sister's cool clothes and friendships, other girls' really nice handwriting, anyone who won an award when I wasn't getting one (and sometimes even when I was!), kids who got to buy designer clothes, pretty much anything that sounded cool that I  didn't get to be a part of or have.

Looking back, I see how deeply rooted my jealousy is in my heart and just how much I needed to be rescued.

My bones were rotting.  And they do whenever I let jealousy take root and grow in my heart and mind.

In my adult life I often find envy sneaking in most in my closest relationships: a friend's child is better than mine at some activity or their kid potty trains faster; they always seem to have the right thing to say and I want people to think that I am the one who always has the right thing to say; they seem to have it all together and I which I had their life, husband, finances, etc.

I told you it's not pretty!

The Gospel and Health & Life

When we empty a space in our hearts of sin, we need to fill it up with what God would have us grow there: remove a weed and plant a flower.

Dear Jesus, as we look at the envy in our hearts that is rotting our bones and as we confess to you (and others) it's ugliness and ask your forgiveness, would you free us?  In those places, grow in our hearts a desire to love you and love our neighbor.  Remind us that you died for those sins and they no longer have permission to have mastery over us.  Give us eyes that quickly see our pride and temptation to envy another rather than love and serve them.  Help us to hate the sin within us and turn quickly to you for restoration and transformation.  We praise you that YOU have already intervened so much in our lives and entrust this yucky part of our hearts into your hands as well.   Thank you for giving hope, life, joy, and peace!  Thank you for not letting us grow stagnant, but for inviting us to share in YOUR Holiness!  Amen.

*     *     * 

Thinking about the envy in our hearts leads smoothly into discussion about discontentment.  We'll head that way tomorrow.  So glad you're on this journey with me through the dark depths of our sinful hearts, that we might abandon the clamour of self-will, become more wholly God's, and, in turn, more ourselves than ever.  Let's rejoice, even in the midst of sorrow at our sin, that the Lord saves us and changes us!  I'd love to hear how God is at work in your life in these things; feel free to leave a comment.

Day 8: Afraid?

If you're just tuning in, click here to read the previous posts in the series.

Fear often goes hand-in-hand with worry in our hearts and minds.

We fear many things: failure, loss of control, loss of things that are precious to us, other people, etc.

Want to hear a painful truth?  Behind our fears lurks our pride.  Really, it's more like PRIDE.  There's often something at stake that we're not willing to let go of that drives us to cling to fears, rather than our Savior.  That pride is big, bad, and ugly.

The woman writing this post is really full of it.

Pride, that is.

What were you thinking?!

Bowing to fears (because I'm so dang prideful) has effected me in detrimental ways over the years:

I've long feared failure ... at pretty much anything new I might try.  So my default has been not to try new things.  Yeah, a wonderful way to live. (insert eye-roll here)

I've also long been concerned with what others think of me, fearing that I won't be accepted.  People pleasing becomes the default here - leaving me wondering who the heck I am and myself & others losing out on edifying relationships .

When I got pregnant with Elizabeth, our first, I was quite consumed by fear - embarrassed that it was a "surprise" pregnancy and having to adjust "the plan" for our lives - stealing away most of the joy of those early days of pregnancy, when we could have been celebrating the miracle! 

For years I also spent a lot of time fearing "the worst," whatever that meant at the moment, even when life was quite peachy.  This thinking just leaves you on edge all the time, wondering when calamity will strike.  (I wrote  about this a year ago in My Life is Not a Television Drama.)

I'm sure this list only scratches the surface of fear's effects on my life, but it gives you an idea to get you thinking about how fear may eek its way into your life and the sad natural consequences of fear-based living.

SoooooOOOO, what do we do once we admit there's a problem?

We never sang it often, but in Boston occasionally we'd sing a song at church based on Isaiah 43:1-3.  Maybe you know it; it always brought me to tears.  Give it a listen here.

When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
You are mine. 

(Chorus)
For I am the Lord Your God.
For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I am the Lord. (women: Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear) 3x
I am the Lord. 

When you pass through the fire you'll not be burned,
And the flames they will not consume you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.

DO NOT FEAR!

Why?  The LORD has redeemed you.  You belong to Him.  He called you by name.  He will protect you as you walk through the waters and fires of life.

BE FREE because you are no longer a slave to the law.  You know you don't control your own life ... Someone mightier and greater does!

I know it's not easy, some of our fears have been with us and owned us for so long, it will take a lot to release us from the bondage.  But God's people are transformed by the renewing of their minds to know His will.  Taking those thoughts captive and firing darts of truth at them (like the above words from Isaiah) will ultimately lead to their demise.

Christian, you no longer need to be defeated by your sin.

CONFESS your fears to the Lord; CONFESS that you don't believe He actually loves you and and cares for you; CONFESS that your pride keeps getting in the way of honoring Him properly. 

BELIEVE that He surrounds you and protects you;  BELIEVE that He wants you to share in His holiness and He will carry you through the process of rooting out these sinful fears;  BELIEVE that God loves you, beloved child, and forgives your sins.

He does.

And the Kingdom comes in our very on hearts when we repent and believe!

Because Christ has died, Christ has risen, and Christ will come again we can look at our fears, admit that they find their origins in the sinful pride within, and talk with God (and fellow believers too!) about being changed.  Oh the cross, how it makes us come alive!

Open your heart up to the Lord this weekend.  Dump all of your junk on Him; He can handle it - in fact, He knows it's there already.  

Fear not, my friends.

Let's find freedom and life at the feet of Jesus!