Day 10: Envy

Deep in my heart, there has always been this "need" to be the best.  I've wanted to be admired, praised, acknowledged, have all the attention, etc.; it's a battle to keep these desires under control.  As I talked about early on in the series, the problem in my heart is that I want to be in God's place;  I  want people to recognize me.  My ego needs you to focus entirely on how great I am ... or at least I need to think I'm the awesome-est.

Dear friends, it is horribly shameful to admit.  Only because Jesus has intervened in my life can I let you in on my dirty little secrets.  I'm learning that if one does not lay it all out there, he continues to be controlled by impulses and sin that ultimately lead to death.  Maybe not immediate death, but certainly misery now and death ultimately.  We were talking about this yesterday in Sunday School based on these verses of warning from James 1:13-15

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

DEATH - that is where we're headed when we let our sin continue to grow and take over our lives.  But in Christ, we get to turn that death back on itself, because HIS death brings LIFE!  As we put to death the sin within us and put on our new self, we are being renewed in knowledge in the image of our Creator. (Colossians 3: 1-10)

Envy and Rotting Bones

A heart at peace gives life to the body,

but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 14:30

Scripture gets right to the point, doesn't it?  James shows us how quickly sin leads to death; we're shaken by King Solomon's description of envy decaying our skeleton.

Death and rotting bones.

It's not pretty.

I don't imagine any of us want to head in that direction intentionally, but how quickly our hearts take us there when we are not on our guard!

Envy has been a way of life for me.  When I was young I (in the midst of a perfectly good life with little difficulty) was jealous of my sister's cool clothes and friendships, other girls' really nice handwriting, anyone who won an award when I wasn't getting one (and sometimes even when I was!), kids who got to buy designer clothes, pretty much anything that sounded cool that I  didn't get to be a part of or have.

Looking back, I see how deeply rooted my jealousy is in my heart and just how much I needed to be rescued.

My bones were rotting.  And they do whenever I let jealousy take root and grow in my heart and mind.

In my adult life I often find envy sneaking in most in my closest relationships: a friend's child is better than mine at some activity or their kid potty trains faster; they always seem to have the right thing to say and I want people to think that I am the one who always has the right thing to say; they seem to have it all together and I which I had their life, husband, finances, etc.

I told you it's not pretty!

The Gospel and Health & Life

When we empty a space in our hearts of sin, we need to fill it up with what God would have us grow there: remove a weed and plant a flower.

Dear Jesus, as we look at the envy in our hearts that is rotting our bones and as we confess to you (and others) it's ugliness and ask your forgiveness, would you free us?  In those places, grow in our hearts a desire to love you and love our neighbor.  Remind us that you died for those sins and they no longer have permission to have mastery over us.  Give us eyes that quickly see our pride and temptation to envy another rather than love and serve them.  Help us to hate the sin within us and turn quickly to you for restoration and transformation.  We praise you that YOU have already intervened so much in our lives and entrust this yucky part of our hearts into your hands as well.   Thank you for giving hope, life, joy, and peace!  Thank you for not letting us grow stagnant, but for inviting us to share in YOUR Holiness!  Amen.

*     *     * 

Thinking about the envy in our hearts leads smoothly into discussion about discontentment.  We'll head that way tomorrow.  So glad you're on this journey with me through the dark depths of our sinful hearts, that we might abandon the clamour of self-will, become more wholly God's, and, in turn, more ourselves than ever.  Let's rejoice, even in the midst of sorrow at our sin, that the Lord saves us and changes us!  I'd love to hear how God is at work in your life in these things; feel free to leave a comment.

Day 8: Afraid?

If you're just tuning in, click here to read the previous posts in the series.

Fear often goes hand-in-hand with worry in our hearts and minds.

We fear many things: failure, loss of control, loss of things that are precious to us, other people, etc.

Want to hear a painful truth?  Behind our fears lurks our pride.  Really, it's more like PRIDE.  There's often something at stake that we're not willing to let go of that drives us to cling to fears, rather than our Savior.  That pride is big, bad, and ugly.

The woman writing this post is really full of it.

Pride, that is.

What were you thinking?!

Bowing to fears (because I'm so dang prideful) has effected me in detrimental ways over the years:

I've long feared failure ... at pretty much anything new I might try.  So my default has been not to try new things.  Yeah, a wonderful way to live. (insert eye-roll here)

I've also long been concerned with what others think of me, fearing that I won't be accepted.  People pleasing becomes the default here - leaving me wondering who the heck I am and myself & others losing out on edifying relationships .

When I got pregnant with Elizabeth, our first, I was quite consumed by fear - embarrassed that it was a "surprise" pregnancy and having to adjust "the plan" for our lives - stealing away most of the joy of those early days of pregnancy, when we could have been celebrating the miracle! 

For years I also spent a lot of time fearing "the worst," whatever that meant at the moment, even when life was quite peachy.  This thinking just leaves you on edge all the time, wondering when calamity will strike.  (I wrote  about this a year ago in My Life is Not a Television Drama.)

I'm sure this list only scratches the surface of fear's effects on my life, but it gives you an idea to get you thinking about how fear may eek its way into your life and the sad natural consequences of fear-based living.

SoooooOOOO, what do we do once we admit there's a problem?

We never sang it often, but in Boston occasionally we'd sing a song at church based on Isaiah 43:1-3.  Maybe you know it; it always brought me to tears.  Give it a listen here.

When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
You are mine. 

(Chorus)
For I am the Lord Your God.
For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I am the Lord. (women: Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear) 3x
I am the Lord. 

When you pass through the fire you'll not be burned,
And the flames they will not consume you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.

DO NOT FEAR!

Why?  The LORD has redeemed you.  You belong to Him.  He called you by name.  He will protect you as you walk through the waters and fires of life.

BE FREE because you are no longer a slave to the law.  You know you don't control your own life ... Someone mightier and greater does!

I know it's not easy, some of our fears have been with us and owned us for so long, it will take a lot to release us from the bondage.  But God's people are transformed by the renewing of their minds to know His will.  Taking those thoughts captive and firing darts of truth at them (like the above words from Isaiah) will ultimately lead to their demise.

Christian, you no longer need to be defeated by your sin.

CONFESS your fears to the Lord; CONFESS that you don't believe He actually loves you and and cares for you; CONFESS that your pride keeps getting in the way of honoring Him properly. 

BELIEVE that He surrounds you and protects you;  BELIEVE that He wants you to share in His holiness and He will carry you through the process of rooting out these sinful fears;  BELIEVE that God loves you, beloved child, and forgives your sins.

He does.

And the Kingdom comes in our very on hearts when we repent and believe!

Because Christ has died, Christ has risen, and Christ will come again we can look at our fears, admit that they find their origins in the sinful pride within, and talk with God (and fellow believers too!) about being changed.  Oh the cross, how it makes us come alive!

Open your heart up to the Lord this weekend.  Dump all of your junk on Him; He can handle it - in fact, He knows it's there already.  

Fear not, my friends.

Let's find freedom and life at the feet of Jesus!

Day 4: How Rebirth Addresses "The Problem" (But It's Only the Beginning!)

If this is your first day joining me for 31 Days of "Becoming More Yourself Than Ever," please scroll down to catch up on the previous posts.  In this post, to avoid too many reader-burdensome references, I've linked to verses; click on the colored words or phrases for Bible references.

In the previous post, I mentioned a couple of times that

there is something wrong with our hearts.

The Bible traces this problem all the way back to Genesis chapter 3, when man first took his eyes off of his Creator and looked to something else [that lovely, desirable fruit] for fulfillment.  Since then, all men have been born into this condition of wanting to be their own god and pursue their own desires.  The Bible calls this root problem sin, the sin condition. It's in our DNA.

THAT is what is wrong with our hearts.

Rather than letting God be God, we struggle and fight and wrestle to keep His status for ourselves.  We need an intervention.

We need an intervention to see that there's any problem at all.
We need an intervention to fix the problem, turning our eyes back to God.
We need an intervention to make any progress back toward Him.

We need to be set free!

As early as the end of Genesis chapter 3, we hear that one will come who will defeat the serpent (Satan).  Through the rest of the Old Testament, we hear the story of God continuing to interact with His creation and His people - even calling a specific people, Israel, to be His people as a prototype of what will come when the Rescue Plan begins and a sin-solution is brought once and for all.

The Rescue Plan's name is Jesus.  The Bible tells us that He is God - of the same form and substance, begotten not made - and that the only way for us to get back to relating to God personally was for God Himself to die for the sin.  The sinLESS needed to be the sin BEARER to save the sinFUL.

Jesus bore the punishment for sin on the cross on that very first Good Friday.

When He breathed his last, a curtain was torn in two between the world and the Holy of Holies where God had dwelt.  People were now FREE to come into God's presence through faith that Jesus (the sinless) took care of the sin condition by taking the punishment that was rightfully the sinner's.  Jesus is now the mediator.  No more sacrifices and bloodshed.  IT IS FINISHED!

Then, God rose Jesus from the dead!

Not only was sin taken care of, but new life was offered!

For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

Placing one's faith in Jesus - believing that His death satisfies God's wrath against sin and we will never need to be punished for our sin, because Jesus took it upon Himself - THAT is rebirth.  THAT's the new beginning.  THAT is the solution to what is wrong with our hearts.

Theologians call this Justification by faith - when you believe, a legal declaration is made by God that YOU ARE CLEAN because of JESUS' work.

But did you know that God is in the business of calling people?  Not just to into freedom from sin, but into a whole new life?

For of course, when a baby is born, he continues to grow and change.  He's expected to - supposed to - grow into the adult version of himself.  It is the same for the Christian.  Once we grab onto Christ's and are reborn through faith, we've only just gotten started.

We'll be talking about growing over the rest of the month.

The stage is now set.

Get ready for the ride!

(And praise God that He goes with us wherever we go!!)

The Greatest Commandment, the Second like it, and Your To-Do List

I love, love, love writing lists!  There are usually three or four - in my horrid handwriting - strewn across the kitchen table, several hanging on the cork board on the wall, a few actually typed into computer documents - like ideas for Christmas or birthday gifts I don't want to forget when the time comes.

Lists.

I love 'em!

A list can be a blessing or and a curse.  They are a blessing, helping me not to forget important things that need to be done or tended to.  They are a curse, reminding me of all I'm not accomplishing ...  sometimes turning me into a get-it-done beast, focused only on her own agenda and plan.

This coming weekend I have the privilege of being with a group of women from my friend's church in the DC area, who have invited me to come share the talks that I gave last Spring at the Women's Retreat in Boston.  The topic is service, specifically looking at the Servant Jesus as our Savior, Example, and the One who Empowers and Equips us to service.  In said talks, I define service using the two greatest commandments from Matthew 22:

³⁴ Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. ³⁵ One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

This got me thinking the other morning about my attitude toward my to-do list.  Really, a list is a wonderful thing, aiding focus, helping us to remember, and Oh! the satisfaction of crossing something off the list ... ah, the sense of accomplishment!!!  (mental image:  Heather twirling in delight, clutching her completed list to her heart.)

But I digress.  Sorry about that.  Let me pull myself together here...  Okay, ready.

What occurred to me was something like this.  What if each task on my list began with this phrase:  Love God and love my neighbor as I ... ?  So the list is transformed from:

• meals and grocery list
• grocery shopping
• organize materials for science projects
• prepare dinner for community group
• iron
• call Gram

to something more like this:

• love God and love my neighbor in writing my weekly meals and grocery list
• love God and love my neighbor while grocery shopping
• love God and love my neighbor while organizing the science stuff
• love God and love my neighbor while preparing dinner for community group
• love God and love my neighbor while ironing
• love God and love my neighbor when calling Gram

Puts a whole new spin on it, doesn't it?  Suddenly those talks are taken from the temporal to the eternal.  No longer is the purpose simply checking the item off the list, rather it's infusing the tasks with greater importance and weight that we've ever given them.

SooooOOOOoooo, how long is your list?

How many opportunities does God give us each day to love Him with all our heart, soul, and minds, and love our neighbor as we do ourselves in the midst of them?

For example, if my goal is not simply to cross "school" off the list each day, but rather to honor God and my children through it, then I can be patient with Elizabeth's questions, take the time to come up with activities to do with Brian while Elizabeth is working independently, not fret when we have to change the schedule because something took longer than expected, and take interruptions in stride.  I am prompted to think more about the tone I use, the effort I put in, the fruit of the Spirit God wants to grow in my heart.

Take a look at your list(s), and may God use even those tasks to work out His purposes in your heart and mind as you seek to love Him with all your being and to love your neighbor as yourself this week, and next week, and the week after that, and ... .

Have a great week!

What's a Girl to Do?

It's come to my attention recently, that I have some deeply ingrained sins that need to be confronted: a judgmental mind, a grumbling spirit, an unteachable heart.

Ah!!!

What's a girl to do?

When you are made ware of sin in your life - by God's Word, the Spirit within, or others - what happens?  I tend to go in one of two directions: try to explain it away - it's not that bad - or hang my head in shame and defeat - I can never change.

Neither of these responses is right or helpful.  The first proudly denies that sin is a problem, to which Scripture says "foolishness!"  The second miserably denies that Jesus' death on the cross was of any value.


What is a girl to do?!

This verse comes to mind when I think about sin:

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation

and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

2 Corinthians 7:10

What does this look like in practice?  From this verse we read that Godly sorrow leads to repentance - acknowledging or sin to God.  That can be a pretty big step, sometimes feels like swallowing pride as big as an elephant.  My name is Heather and I have a judgmental mind, a grumbling spirit, and an unteachable heart.  (Makes me seem like a real peach, huh?!)


Beyond simply acknowledging the sin, we have to confess our dependency on God to both be forgiven and be changed.  This is the part that leads to salvation rather than death.  Jesus death and resurrection are sufficient for any sin you throw at God's feet - ANY - whether a one-time heinous crime or a sin pattern that's been a companion from childhood.  We are left with no regret because when we confess faith in Jesus, not only does He take our sin, but he gives us His righteousness - that perfect record he maintained while living as a man!


There is now no condemnation ... Good news, indeed!


We can confess our sin, repent and believe, because that Godly sorrow is given to us to bring life.  The Spirit convicts us of sin that we may draw nearer to God, cling more tightly to the cross, give greater thanks, all to God's glory.


There is no other God like Him.

Over the last week, even in the midst of greater awareness of my sin, God's giving me hope:

• Though I'm not what I ought to be, I'm not what I used to be;
• He's changed me in very specific ways in the past, so I can trust Him with these.

What a loving Father we have!

My prayer for you today:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

Morning Run in My City

The moon's business is done
as the sun rises to the sound of birds chirping,
coloring the sky with soft, cotton candy pastels.
Friends gather to run,
the exercise jarring bodies awake
before the day's duties begin.
The path is clear,
the air crisp,
the chatter constant,
as feet pound the pavement and breaths quicken.

We cross a river in this city of bridges;
from below, geese honk out commands in formation.
The glassy waters speaks peace,
the previous days' wild winds forgotten
in her clear reflection
of the shore's trees and structures.
An endless train clickety-clacks to its destination,
the rhythms of city life continuing
around the clock.
Skyscrapers in the distance reflect the sunlight
in metallic splendor,
the bridge before them a faithful sentinel.

Barges remind of the time this city was dominated by
steel, smoke, and smog.
Shores previously lined with filthy factories
now replaced
by sleek office buildings,
popular restaurants,
lovely walking trails.
Nature and industry dancing through history
in this city I called home,
this beautiful city I call home.

Let's Start Here

It doesn't matter how yesterday went, how you triumphed or how you failed.

Neither changes God's love for you.

Love drove Him to the cross, to die for all of the times you and I judge, condemn, refuse to forgive, hate, fly off in a rage, lust, steal, cheat, lie, complain, don't believe, think our good works will save us, etc.

And love kept Him there.

Yes, He could have called legions of angels. But that was not in the Great Rescue Plan.

And boy, do we need to be rescued.

Every day I struggle to remember that God's love never fails, that it endures forever, that His mercies are new every morning.

This morning, God reminded me that it's true. And I want you to be encouraged too!

God loves you.

This is not a cheesy saying for t-shirts and bumper stickers. This is a Biblical truth that will never change.

Will you believe today that God can and does love you, regardless of your performance, good or bad, based solely on the death and resurrection of Jesus, our only way out of this mess? We need it this morning whether we believe for the first time or have walked in the faith for years.

Come, all you who are thirsty,

come to the waters;

and you who have no money,

come, buy, and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without cost.

Isaiah 55:1

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Jesus, recorded in John 10:10

December 4, 2009

Today I

• pondered a discussion we had at Bible study on Tuesday and looked up some related passages,
• took my kids to have their Christmas pictures taken,
• ran some errands,
• found my mother-in-law's annual snowman themed Christmas gift,
• showed E all the different places things get weighed at the grocery store,
  
• listened to her finish reading the book Ten Apples up on Top to me,
• took a run
• outside
• in December,
• washed dishes,
• spent time on the playground with the kids and many neighbors,
• thought about how much I was enjoying today,
  
• ate dinner out with my family because the power went out,
• baked crazy awesome brownies,
• prepared the dinner I would have made tonight,
• washed more dishes, and
• soon I will watch the series finale of Monk.
• With my feet up.
  
• And maybe even a glass of wine.