What Should We Expect From Our Children? Part II

Yesterday we looked at the Bible's directions for children.  As a parent, there are some nice verses we can quote to our kids, "REMINDING" them of their call to obey.  But, all joking aside, we must be careful, because guess what?  The Bible also has directions for parents, and as you will see ... we've got a much greater responsibility than our children!

Before continuing, however, I want to remind us all (myself included) that studying Scripture and seeking God in anything is not about getting it "right" - here, becoming a perfect parent.  The goal is to know God more - He is, after all, a perfect Father - walk closer with Him, and seek to glorify and enjoy Him, and guide our kids in the same direction.  So, here are my BOLD statements before going on:

YOU WILL FAIL; Jesus' forgiveness is REAL.

YOU WILL GROW; transformation by the Holy Spirit is REAL, too.

Now, [deep breath] let's look to the Bible as our guide.

I like categories, so I'll present three that I see emerging from Biblical teaching to parents.  Then, tomorrow I'll write a final post, putting it all together with more of an application focus (and some book recommendations, of course!)  My apologies if you're left hanging today, but often God speaks to us in those "loose ends" places, doesn't He?

Scripture gives us direction as parents as to our MESSAGE, ACTIONS, and ATTITUDE in parenting.

MESSAGE

Deuteronomy is full of directions for parents; in chapters 4, 6, and 11 God tells them several things:

• Remember/Don't forget who I am and what I've done
• Love and obey all my commands
• Teach my Word to your children - all the time!

God knows we modern folk are prone to forget that He's redeemed us from slavery, just like the Israelites.  Having children to teach is a wonderful way to keep from forgetting - we've got to love, honor, and remember God in order to point our kids in that direction.  The message God gives us to impart to our kids is about who He is from Scripture and what He's done in our lives and how to best love and obey Him according to His Word.

ACTIONS

Proverbs addresses more the issue of disciplining our kids.  I've found in some Christian circles this automatically means spanking the disobedience out of our kids.  Hm....  It's based on a few verses (Prov. 23:13-14, 29:15) and sadly we can be deceived into believing that the right method will somehow make our kids turn out "right."  But these verses are only part of our calling, not the primary focus.

Proverbs 22:6 says Train a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.  As parents we're not simply disciplinarians in the punishment sense; we are trainers.  We are our kid's God-ordained coaches!  We help them to learn that disobedience has consequences, that obedience can be difficult but brings reward, that growing up and improving takes work and practice, that good things come to those who wait.  patiently.  on the Lord.  Training involves much more than punishment, it's a life-long discipling of our children.  Not only showing them how they're disobeying, but teaching them to obey - what is right.

Ephesians 6:4b says [fathers] bring [your children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord.  Just as God shows us what is disobedience and what is obedience, we do the same for our kids in our parenting.  More on this tomorrow, but the take-away point here is that we have an immense calling that spans  our childrens' life-times; no quick fixes here, "slow and steady wins the race."

ATTITUDE

Have you ever considered your attitude toward your children?  One moment we can be overflowing with love and affection, and then next minute crazy frustrated and wildly harsh because of some behavior our kids display.  God knows this and issues two warnings to fathers in Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21; I believe they apply to all parents.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

I've exasperated and embittered my kids.  This often happens when I'm expecting behavior from them that's not age-appropriate or have not taken the time to train them what would be proper in a specific situation.  As we rear our children, we need the Lord to work on our heart attitude toward the calling He's given us in raising these little eternal beings, ('cause let's face it, sometimes we wish our kids would go away or be 18 already - we're sinful too!)

More tomorrow, friends.  For today, let me pray for us:

Lord, we see in your word a calling to something we cannot do on our own.  We know the damage parents can do to children, perhaps even the way our own parents fell short of this calling.  The pain can run so deep. Remind us of Your love for us, Your desire that we share in Your holiness, Your tender care for us.  There is no God like you.  Fill us with a desire to know your Word, apply it to our lives, and teach it to our children.  We need you and we love you.  Thank you, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for giving us all we need for life and godliness and for the depth of Your forgiveness in Christ - what a blessed message we have to give to our kids because of who You are.  Amen.

What Should We Expect From Our Children? Part I

You don't need to spend too much time in a bookstore before coming across the expansive parenting section.  There's no shortage of literature to help guide you in your parenting pursuits.  If you read a few books on similar topics, however, you will quickly find contradictions.  Seriously, how are we supposed to have any idea what we're doing?!

I've been wondering what exactly I expect of my children.  Have I even thought critically about it?  Honestly, when I seek out a parenting book, often I'm looking for a quick fix for something my kids do that annoys me!  (re: sleeping, whining, hitting, talking back, etc.)  You too?

Upon reflection, I had a strong feeling this was NOT what God had in mind when He made me a parent.  So, what does the Bible say?  What are we supposed to be doing?  What should we expect from our children?

I knew the Bible talked about children obeying their parents; it's one of the 10 commandments, for goodness sake!  But was that it - simply turning my children into obedient robots?  Seemed a little shallow.  Over the next couple of post, I'll flesh out my findings, hopefully encouraging us as parents to love our children in accordance with God's call and directions and to depend more on Him in the process.  Part I (today!) will focus on God's word to and about children; in Part II we'll turn to God's word to parents; and in Part III we'll put it all together with some practical application and a good dose of hope ... I hope!

Two major themes emerged for me in my (surely not exhaustive) study of children in Scripture:

1. Children are expected to honor and obey their parents.  There's no way around this one; it's stated as such in both the Old and New Testaments!  Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3, Colossians 3:20
2. Children are precious to Jesus and teach us about believing in Him and participating in His kingdom.  Jesus called the children to Him and blessed them - saying things like the kingdom belongs to such as these and become like little children to enter the kingdom. Matthew 18:2-4, Mark 10:14-15, Luke 18:16-17

 So, pretty simple then, our kids need to obey us, and that's that!  We tell them to obey and that doing so pleases God, and they obey, right?  Well ... if you have children, or know any children, or were a child once, you know it is not that simple.  That's where the commands of God to parents come into play.  We'll address that subject tomorrow.  It's not for the light-hearted, so prepare your hearts

As a quick sidebar for further reflection, I want to highlight two things Jesus said about our interactions with children.

1. Welcome a child in Jesus name, and you're welcoming Him: Matthew 18:5, Mark 9:37
2. Cause a child to sin, and you're in deep water! Matthew 18:6

Praying for Our Children

My Aunt Jill sent me this weekly prayer guide for parents.  I can always use help getting started praying for my kids; sometimes I'm not sure how to pray for them.  These are great categories through which you can speak specific requests to God for each of your children.  Such guides can also help us as parents think about how we can train our children in areas of service, loving God, loving truth, etc.

PARENTS PRAYER GUIDE

MONDAY: Ask the Lord to completely surround your children with emotional, physical and spiritual protection.

TUESDAY: Pray that the Lord will strengthen your children’s faith and will fill them with a passionate desire to want to seek and know Him, His word and His will.

WEDNESDAY: Ask the Lord to give your children godly wisdom in choosing their friends and peers, and to give them strength and courage to boldly take a stand for what is right.

THURSDAY: Pray that the Lord would renew your children’s mind. Helping them to remain pure in their thought and deeds.

FRIDAY: Ask the Lord to extend His blessing over the activities of your children, both academic and extracurricular, giving them alertness and clarity of mind. Pray also for encouragement in their defeats and humility in their victories.

SATURDAY: Pray that your children will be sensitive and compassionate to the needs of others, and that the Lord will help them act in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

SUNDAY: Pray for and seek blessings for those who are in authority over your children, asking the Lord to give them wisdom and understanding as they instruct your children.

Here, from The Message translation, are some verses for meditation, Romans 12:1-3 and 13:11-14 that my aunt included in her mailing to parents at her church.  (emphasis mine)

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about!

God bless you as your pray for and train up your children! 

Bowling, Anyone?

My nephew, Isaac, turned 5 and had a bowling party Saturday afternoon!

preparing to sing

appreciating the singing

Brian was way into it!

Michelle (Isaac's mom), Michelle, and me
(sister & sister-in-law: yes, my children have two aunt Michelles!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISAAC!

MomHeart Ministries

At the end of the summer 2009, I became acquainted with WholeHeart ministries through a homeschooling book.  This connected me to the ministry of MomHeart, lead by Sally Clarkson.  I have been so encouraged by her books for moms to think about motherhood as a calling.  It's revolutionized my perspective on what I do day in and day out.  I'm so thankful for her faithfulness in pursuing this ministry to mothers.

So here's my advertisement:  SALLY DOES CONFERENCES!

This year the topic is:  My Mom Heart Matters!

Your mom heart so does matter.  God's given you the high calling of nurturing souls for eternity and He will provide for your every need along the way!

Here's a list of the dates and the locations:

January 21-22: Colorado Springs, CO, MH Conference, COS Marriott 

February 4-5: Irvine, CA, MH Conference, Mariners Church

February 18-19: Irving/DFW, TX, MH Conference, LC Marriott

March 4-5: Raleigh-Durham, NC, MH Conference, Hilton RDU

I live in Pittsburgh, and none of these are close.  But I will be in North Carolina, Lord willing!  My prayer is this, for God to provide three other women who will join me and share a hotel room (making it about $25 per person for the room.)  We could fly down together, or road trip together to cut down on costs even more. 

Basic details for the North Carolina conference, if you want to join me:

• Registration is only $79 through Dec. 31  (GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT IDEA!)
• Conference runs from 1pm Friday - 4:30pm Saturday
• Click the button on the right for more details

Sally speaks to moms of all ages, in all stages of life, from all different backgrounds, and with kids from infant to grown.  Her message is so versatile because she points us to Jesus' model of discipleship with our kids.  When I attended a training she hosted in Colorado this summer, I was delighted to meet single moms, homeschooling moms, working moms, moms with many children, moms with few children, etc.  Her words of grace-filled wisdom will touch your heart in one way or another.  Don't miss attending a conference!

However, if a conference is out of the question for distance, finances, or other reasons, please check out her books; perhaps you can find them at your local library!  And I may just wrap up NaBloPoMo with a little give-away of one or two of her books ...

STAY TUNED!

What Do the People Want?

I would like to take this time, mid-NaBloPoMo to let you, the people, speak!

I have tons of post ideas and I'm sure more will present themselves, but I'd also like to address any questions you have for me or things you want to know more about.

Please comment and I'll do my best to oblige.

Have a blessed Sunday!

It's Not Always Pretty, Folks!

This week at Community Group, we were discussing Christ's words about adultery and lust in the Sermon on the Mount.  Now, I don't have much trouble with visual stimulation, but I do find my heart being pulled at in almost irresistible ways at times.  This happens a lot with a desire to be on the computer ... so I don't miss an important email, a comment on the blog, or cool news on Facebook.  Seriously, it's out of control and very embarrassing to say out loud.

I shared this with the group and asked for prayer to dominate it, rather than it dominating me.

A couple of mornings ago, I was considering what the root(s) of the issue are.  At the heart of the matter  are two main things: my self-worth being tied up in what kind of e-communications I'm receiving and plain old laziness. 

On the first point, I'm living like an orphan, when I'm a beloved daughter of the King - looking for love in all the wrong places.  I'm worshiping at the idol of myself and how ugly it is!  I find myself longing for positive blog comments or an affirming email from a friends.  I'm crushed when I don't get one or overly elated when I do; then the happiness wears of and I find myself longing for more.  (Sounds like Romans or Ephesians - these deep desires that drive us like wild beasts.)

How  unbecoming of a daughter of the King!  I'm loved to the core by a God who was willing to die to rescue me from that nasty sinful nature.  Only in His presence do I find that fulfillment I'm looking for.  God promises to fill us up, quench our thirst, give rest to our souls.

On the second point, the computer is simply an avoidance tool.  I get bored waiting for E to finish a writing assignment, so I check my email.  I want to put off a task, so I check the computer to find an excuse to put it of just ... a little ... longer.  What if there is an urgent message to which I MUST respond, the lie goes.  It's just laziness and irresponsibility!  (Thanks to Bridget for pointing this out.)

Again, how unbecoming of a daughter of the King!  God has taken my life and given me new purpose: to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever.  I can do this in whatever situation and don't need to distract myself.  I  I have a spare minute, I can think of Him, encourage the ones I'm with, or give thanks for anything going on around me.  If I have a task to do, I could just do it - and reward myself with some posting time when it's done!

I have a strong feeling (based on many Bible verses) that you, too, dear reader, struggle with sin that threatens to undo you, keeps you living like an orphan when you have a loving, purpose-giving Father.

So let's get practical.  How do we overcome it?!

• Repent:   If your heart is telling you you're clinging to something other than God - sinning - tell Him you're sorry at that moment, thank Him for His forgiveness, and "walk away" from whatever it is, right then.

• Believe:  In repentance we must remind ourselves of the Gospel; this is a major part of the Christian life from day one until we see our Savior face to face.  Jesus died for our sins to reconcile us to God.  Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret. (2 Corinthians 7:10)  Salvation, people! Jesus came that you might have life abundant as you walk with Him.  BELIEVE the good news; you are forgiven when you put your trust in Jesus.

• Accountability: You do not necessarily need to confess all of your sins to your spouse, small group, or pastor.  But if there's a sticking point for you, confide in someone.  I found that simply expressing my concern about how I'm drawn to the computer brought some automatic release; it's out there now, people know, they will ask.  I want to give a good report!  You can also set up sentries (borrowed from John Stott) to guard your heart.  For example, I've set up my blog to email me when I get a comment so I don't need to go looking to see if anyone's commented, so I don't NEED to go visit it a  million times a day ... in theory.  It's a growing process, people!

• Fill up the space you've emptied: Paul talks about putting of the old self and putting on the new.  What good things can you use to fill up that gap?  Can you memorize a verse to say to yourself when you're tempted?  How can you be filled up by God in that place where you used to look to sinful behaviors or thoughts to get you through?

Remember, too, that there is an enemy that wants to see us fall.  He wars against the things of God, longing to rob Him of glory.  I wrote the first half of this post, and then thought maybe it wasn't that bad and I shouldn't share it.  Boy oh boy, that sneaky little devil.  Sin is real and so is Satan.  But the God of peace will soon crush satan! (Romans 16:20)  Let's stick it too him and remain faithful to our Father; His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.  II Peter 1: 3

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen. 

I Timothy 1: 15-17