January 11, 2009

Got Guilt?

I've been thinking a lot lately, as much as a mother of a talkative 4-year-old can think! And I've realized that I've plagued with a lot of guilt recently. Now, mind you, it's not the kind of guilt you feel when you know you've done something wrong and you'll feel bad until you deal with it. No, it's the kind of guilt that seeps into your being and feels like it's rotting you from the inside, because you feel you're not a good enough mother or wife or friend or sister or daughter, because your house is never clean, because you just did another thoughtless thing, because you just lost your temper ... again, because you should just know better by now! That kind of guilt. You feel me on this one? Come on. Be honest. I know you've been here before.

Enter the common sense of the gospel: Yep, you are guilty, but that's what Jesus came for! If I get to the point where I've got it all together, I don't need that precious Savior. My guilt runs so much deeper than the petty things that I feel bad about, but that serious, real, deep sin was dealt with on the cross two millenia ago. I need to cling to Jesus to keep me from thinking like an orphan, without a Father, and keep thinking like a daughter, a beloved daughter of the King.

Even as I type I'm convicted by the reality that my idols are SO HUGE. What would it mean for me (or you) to be a "good enough" mother or wife or friend or sister or daughter anyway? What is it that we want, deep down, to satisfy us? We want to be loved and feel secure. But instead of drawing on the Father's love, that Father that gave His Son to rescue us from the most horrible of fates, I want to be admired, stroked, told that I'm great. What is it for you? From whence to you try to draw love and affection? All I know is that it's not working for me. I'll never be satisfied "looking for love in all the wrong places."

Thank you, Spirit, for your quiet whispers that draw us back to our Father, that remind us of His love, that call us to repentance, that sustain us through this life!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Heather, I'm so glad you're blogging. I look forward to reading...

    My endless guilt comes in the form of feeling that I haven't accomplished enough. I long for heaven when I can truly rest from my endless to-do lists. And they are mine! I create them, need them, hate them, judge myself based on them.